Topics We Explored:
How much impact culture, family, and upbringing have on our identity, and in turn, makes a difference in how we structure our work and the goals we set
Why it feels like we are bombarded by marketing and societal messages that make us feel like we aren’t good enough, or aren’t doing enough
How the importance of validation from these messages and from our peers can delay the things we really want to do
Many of us are socialized to be the “supporting actor” when really we can be the “lead actor” in our own story
How, as a community, we can learn to break down resistance to ask for help and more openly offer help to others without expecting much in return
“You could do anything – except everything.” — Charlie Gilkey (Tweet this)
Links and Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
About Tara McMullin:
Tara McMullin is a writer, podcaster, and producer. For over 13 years, she’s studied small business owners — how they live, how they work, what influences them, and what they hope for the future. She’s the host of What Works, a podcast about navigating the 21st-century economy with your humanity intact. Tara is also co-founder of YellowHouse.Media, a boutique podcast production company. Her work has been featured in Fast Company, The Startup, The Muse, and The Huffington Post.
She lives in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania with her husband, daughter, and two lovable cats that showed up in the backyard one day. Her heart is always in the mountains of Montana.
About What Works
What Works helps you go from just trying to keep up to staying ahead of the curve. We offer carefully curated recommendations, a unique lens on headlines that matter to you, and an original analysis of key questions and trends. You’ll find a multidisciplinary approach to work and business, drawing on philosophy, sociology, economics, critical theory, management thinking, and psychology.
Whether you’re a small business owner, independent worker, or creative thinker, What Works offers in-depth, well-researched content you won’t find anywhere else. The weekly podcast and newsletter, as well as our twice-weekly Instagram content, are all free of charge.
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Episode Timestamps
[4:36] Tara talks about what led her to create the What Works book, a blend of her own personal quest to re-establish her relationship with work and goals, mixed with conversations with people who had all sorts of different relationships to productivity and goals.
[6:08] In the process of Tara’s research for the book, it brought up a deeper conversation of how much culture, family, and upbringing have on our identity, which makes an impact on how we structure our work and the goals we set.
[6:49] We are bombarded by marketing and societal messages that make us feel like we aren’t good enough, or aren’t doing enough.
[7:22] Tara and Charlie discuss why we don’t do the things we really want to do, and why working on teams can be so hard, even though we are primed to work with others.
[12:25] We unpack the validation spiral, and why it’s so common.
[16:21] Externally, one of the ways that we play into the validation spiral is by saying yes to things, taking on projects, and spreading ourselves too thin to do anything impeccably.
[20:23] So many of us are socialized to be the supporting actor when really we can be the lead actor in our own story.
[24:01] Ask yourself: what resources do you need, and where might they come from?
[33:15] When “shoulding” and “supposed to-ing” yourself, get clear and concrete about what exactly you are looking for. Try to get specific about numbers and benchmarks.
[40:15] Why don’t we ask for help before we absolutely need it?
[45:10] Get a support team together before you need the help.
[52:12] As a community, we can learn to break down resistance to ask for help and more openly offer help to others without expecting much in return.
Mentioned in this episode:
Start Finishing: How to Go from Idea to Done, by Charlie Gilkey
What Works: A Comprehensive Framework to Change the Way We Approach Goal Setting
Tara McMullin: Unpacking the Code of What Works (Episode 248)