Authors Alexandra Jamison and Bob Gower join Charlie on the show today to talk about what it’s like to write a book with your partner. Their book, Radical Alignment, focuses on a four-layered approach to structured conversation, and how they used this approach on the journey to writing this book. They also discuss the application of their method not just in relationships, but also in business and personal life.
Key Takeaways:
[3:10] - Alexandra & Bob talk about the history of this book, and how it evolved from their initial conception. It started as a method they used for themselves and shared in workshops, and grew into something other people were clamoring after.
[5:19] - The method focuses on intentions, concerns, boundaries, and dreams, and is used to ensure everyone is on the same page and empathetic to one another’s reasons for doing something.
[7:50] - Bob talks through how this method grew out of the workshops, and some of the key points of each of the four steps.
[11:49] - One of the most important steps is the last step - dreams. Ending on a high note together, and having that to pull you forward together, allows the couple or group to really feel like a team.
[13:40] - The book is a true convergence of both Alex and Bob’s unique perspectives. This richness comes out in how they talk about bringing more humanity into their teams, and being more strategic personally.
[16:00] - The journey of this book is a testament to all creatives out there with an idea they want to get out into the world. Their self-published book accomplished their initial goals, and had developed in a very natural and organic way. Don’t be afraid to act on your ideas - keep your eyes open for opportunities!
[18:30] - Alex and Bob talk about how they used their own method to talk about writing a book about their method.
[21:30] - The order of the conversation is almost as important as the conversation itself. Addressing concerns in a safe way allows the amygdala to calm down, and you can move forward with confidence in your decisions and creativity.
[23:50] - The goal is not to force alignment. You may find that you do not align on intentions or dreams, and can pursue a different path forward with a project or relationship.
[26:35] - Alex and Bob talk about their creative process, compared to working on separate projects. Using their model allowed complete transparency, and a shared voice emerged.
[31:38] - Bob and Alex talk about the concern around a structured conversation being stifling rather than freeing, and the distinction between etiquette-based conversation and rules-based conversation.
[38:07] - The group discusses the idea of the “missing conversation.” Having structure gives everyone a chance to speak (and listen) and holds all parties accountable for what is said and not said.
[43:20] - Good and productive conversation has been a cornerstone in Alex and Bob’s relationship, and often plays out in their day-to-day interactions as well.
[47:30] - Sometimes we don’t have conversations because we are hung up on the decision we will have to make at the end. The beauty of this approach is that it doesn’t have to lead to a decision; this relieves the pressure of the conversation having to go a certain way.
[50:26] - It is also important to make sure you’re in the right state of mind before approaching these conversations. All three use some form of the HALT principle from the 12-step world.
[55:12] - Alexandra’s challenge for every person who identifies as a woman to use this all-in method for your next important conversation. Bob’s challenge for people who identify like him is to listen more than they speak.
Mentioned in This Episode:
Start Finishing, by Charlie Gilkey
Radical Alignment, by Alexandra Jamieson and Bob Gower
The Art of Gathering, by Priya Parker
Alexandra Jamieson and Bob Gower: Finding Creative Alignment (Episode 220)