Ten Pivotal Decisions and a Pastry (Productive Flourishing Pulse #508)
Plus July Planners and Tips for Your Mid-Year Review and Reset
I rounded the corner to go to the coffee shop and saw a man carrying some bags. He was probably homeless and definitely trying to stay out of the way. He was carrying what might have been everything he owned.
He was looking down and away, trying to avoid making eye contact. I intentionally looked into his eyes. He looked back. It was an energetic, “Good morning. I see you. You’re a person.”
You never know what people are going to do when you actually look at them. I had no idea what state he was in.
I was walking quickly and right before I passed, he said, “Good morning.” Not aggressively, not sadly, just... “good morning.”
“Good morning, man,” I said, caught off guard.
Really? “Good morning, man?” That’s what you’ve got this morning, Charlie?
Prior to rounding the corner, I was deep in thought about the book I’m working on and wondering what I might share in the Pulse today. I wasn’t really prepared for a conversation with a stranger. Even at the coffee shop, I don’t really have to order because they know what I’m going to get, but I’m at least prepared to talk to the crew.
Earlier, I had read a Substack Note about a homeless man who had a PhD. The book I’m working on deals with how to lead through a reduction in force and I’ve been thinking about the many hundreds of thousands of people who are or will soon be jobless because of shifts in political regimes. There’s going to be a lot of good, talented people who wind up on the street as things start to unravel for them.
I had also been thinking about a thesis I’ve had for the last 15 years or so but haven’t talked about much since I wrote History, Luck, and Intention: the shape of our lives is often created by ten or fewer pivotal decisions.
These are the decisions that are the tipping dynamic of change.
I imagined this man as one of the many people who started stumbling in life and couldn't catch themselves before they hit the ground. He had soft eyes, a bright smile, and was clearly doing his best not to be a nuisance. He didn’t appear to be hung over or high.
Maybe he had gotten unlucky. Maybe he made one of those choices that started a cascade of events that he couldn’t get on top of. There but by the Grace of God, go I.
I felt called to get him something from the coffeeshop and since I was already waiting in line, I went out and found him.
“Hey bro, you doin’ alright today?”
C’mon, Charlie?! That’s how you enter the conversation again? Get it together!
He was surprised by the question. He doesn’t know where this is going and I can feel him energetically brace to be told to go somewhere else.
“Not too bad, I guess.”
I'm done with uttering awkward statements or questions.
“I’d like to get something for you from the coffeeshop. Would you prefer a pastry or coffee?”
He’s surprised again.
“Huh? Oh, a pastry.”
“Dope. I got you. I’ll be right back.”
I didn’t ask him which pastry that he wanted. I didn’t have their menu memorized because I never get pastries anymore. I decided to get him what I used to get myself; it was a pastry with an unusual but wonderful flavor.
“Just your usual, Charlie?”
“Yes and I’d like to get the korvapuusti for the guy outside.”
Sam didn’t miss a beat. “I'll put it in a bag so you can take it to him while I make your cappuccino.”
Back outside, I handed over the pastry bag. “I didn’t know what you wanted, so I just got you what I used to get myself.”
“Thanks so much.” I can tell he’s still waiting on something else. Maybe the “I got you food, so move along” pattern that so many people subject homeless people to.
“I hope you enjoy it. I just wanted you to know I see you.”
FFS, Charlie, “I see you?” It’s like you’re trying to make this whole interaction as awkward as possible. You could’ve just given him the pastry and walked off.
After yet another awkward utterance, I turn, but then stop.
Oh no. Here you go again.
I remembered seeing a sign in NYC about how rarely homeless people hear their name. People stop regarding them as people, with a name and a story — just an object on the street.
“What’s your name?”
“Derrick.”
“Derrick. Cool. I’m Charlie.”
Words fail me again. I don’t know an ending expression that’s not akin to “you doin’ alright today?” “Have a good day” seems… off for his situation.
“Take care, Derrick. Be blessed.”
Seriously? Be blessed? You’re DJ Khalid all of a sudden? And are you implying a forking pastry is a blessing? Ugh. STFU and go write.
I’m rarely awkward and bumbling in this way. I hope Derrick gets some joy from the pastry and laughs at my expense, too.
A pastry doesn’t solve any of the larger challenges Derrick is facing. But perhaps there’s some solace in knowing at least one person cared enough to acknowledge his humanity and didn’t see him merely as a nuisance to be walked around.
That’s what I would want and need if bad luck and a few pivotal choices got the best of me. And it’s a way to reciprocate the many ways that others have, are, and will catch me as luck and choices are getting the better of me.
~Charlie
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