Looking at the title of the post, you’re probably thinking, “Duh! Of course it counts!”
Really? You know this in theory, but I’m betting you don’t apply it as often as you should.
How many times have you tried to come up with other reasons to do something besides the fact that it makes you feel good?
How many times have you taken on work that makes you miserable because you’ve discounted your unhappiness in favor of how much money you’ll bring in?
How many times have you decided not to do something because you wanted to do it and felt like you should be “responsible” or “mature” by doing something you didn’t want to do?
How many times have you second-guessed how and why you enjoyed something because the pure enjoyment of it wasn’t enough?
How many of your decisions are based on your belief that you don’t deserve to be happy?
I hope you take the time to dig into the questions and have the courage to answer them honestly.
I could go on with questions like this all day. They come up with me, my clients, and my friends frequently. If you’re of the fairer sex, they probably come up for you every day.
We live in a schizophrenic society and we’re all messed up when it comes to happiness. We want to be happy, but we think it should be earned or deserved or hard to come by. We’ve been told to suck it up and be big boys and girls. We’re fed tales of how hard it was for those that came before us. Our world traditions feature humble, compassionate, and gentle people, and, at the same time, we idolize the stoic hero with a stiff upper lip.
Happiness shouldn’t be our only consideration, but it should count. We shouldn’t discount the misery we go through in a day because we make a certain number of dollars so we can buy a certain number of things. Sure, we might have to go through that misery one way or the other (for now), but we should acknowledge how we feel about it. If we don’t, it’s a sure way to continue along the path of misery — and we miss out on the opportunities that take us straight to happiness.
Being happy counts. Feeling good counts. Enjoying the moment counts. Singing a silent song of joy counts. They count without qualification or justification.
It’s simple but not easy: allow yourself to be happy and at peace or force yourself to be miserable and discordant. Your choice is not manifested mentally — it’s manifested through action.
You can start acting like your happiness counts today as well as you can tomorrow. Will you?
Hi Charlie.
I agree with this. I make sure I do the things that are in line with where happiness resides for me. It makes a big difference in how I am able to do things. If I see my energy low or something like that, I know to not even try for big action at that time, because it is like pushing harder on the gas pedal when the car is out of gas. The gas has to be put back in first.
Happiness is something we have to use when it is there, because it is like potential energy we can convert to kinetic energy.
It sure does count.
.-= Armen Shirvanian´s last blog ..You Don’t Know What Works Until You Fully Try =-.
Guilty! I need to print this out and post it on the wall.
For others who found themselves nodding along, you might also find relief in this Inc Magazine article about “Impostor Syndrome.” I’ll be writing about this as well, but the short version is that successful people tend to discount their successes, choosing to suffer and work rather than revel and be happy.
For me your piece and this one are related; both help put things in perspective.
Thanks!
.-= Jason Cohen´s last blog ..Don’t write a business plan =-.
Ah, Charlie, awesome questions as ever. I don’t know whether it’s an oldest-child thing or a female thing, but I often find myself trying to do stuff just to make other people happy. Or feeling that my own happiness is unimportant and that achieving something in the eyes of the world is what happens.
I’m getting a saner, more balanced view on this one; partly reading some great bloggers (like your wonderful self) and partly through some prayer and reflection.
Thanks for the often-needed reminder, though!
.-= Ali Hale´s last blog ..2009: Adventures, Ventures and Lessons Learnt =-.
It’s not just a female thing; I have the same instinct. I’ll bet $100 you can relate to that Inc Magazine article I mentioned in the comment above.
.-= Jason Cohen´s last blog ..Don’t write a business plan =-.
I often feel the same way, Ali, doing things I’m not passionate about, but I do them anyway so the people I care about are happy.
Charlie, you are absolutely right. In a world where we can do anything we want and achieve anything we want, we often make decisions that are more influenced by dollars than by our true desires. However, 2010 won’t be like that for me. I’ve paid my dues. It’s time to have some fun!
.-= Bart´s last blog ..Fear Shows You Where To Go =-.
Charlie, you’re so right. There’s a precedence that gets applied to setting priorities and choosing courses of action, and happiness is barely even on the list. Choosing something that doesn’t maximize the financial outcome or meet the expectations that others have of you because makes you happy is often labeled as selfishness. Your happiness absolutely deserves a place at the table when selecting alternatives, regardless of what others may say, well meaning or not.
Does it trump all other considerations? No, of course not. But it deserves far more weight than it’s usually given.
Thanks for a great reminder to watch out for that undervaluation tendency.
.-= Mike Stankavich´s last blog ..How to Securely Access Your Home or Small Biz Network From Anywhere in the World (Part 1) =-.
This post could have easily been on my blog. I’m actually a little jealous. 😉 I wish that I would have written for my blog.
What you say is true. We make too many decisions because we think we have to, not because we want to. We need to make decisions that will meet our needs, not just appease other people.
.-= Karl Staib – Work Happy Now´s last blog ..Hard, Fun and Beautiful – Team Work Edition =-.
Hi,
Interesting thoughts. I completely agree. However I think,
happiness is still a tricky word. I had a shot at trying to define it
in a more “scientific” or “objective” way, despite it being a
subjective feeeling: What is happiness?
I would love to hear your thoughts! Thank you, Nick
@Nick, there’s actually quite a lot of work being done now on the measurable nature of happiness. Sonia Lyobomirsky has a good and accessible review of the best research, it’s called _The How of Happiness_.
I’ve started much more intentionally adding in “happiness goals” to my business and my life, and so far I’m enjoying the benefits! It’s a tricky thing, easy to forget.
.-= Sonia Simone´s last blog ..What Makes Marketing Hard? =-.
Couldn’t agree more! I would also like to add that it takes guts to be happy. It requires that we accept responsibility for our well-being, and that can be a scary thing for many people.
.-= The Emotion Machine´s last blog ..How To Do A True Act Of Kindness =-.
Great question there at the bottom I think. Will you let yourself be happy?
For some the question pops up, “What is happy?”. Is it making a lot of money? Is it having the coolest new gadget every day? Is it having the best looking boy/girlfriend? Maybe the its the admiration of millions? Or the cold hate of everyone? Or could it be even simpler than that?
To me being happy is nothing more than accepting myself for who I am. Accepting that I make mistakes, and I can live with that. Accepting that no one in life is perfect. That we are all trying to live life as best we can. This is what it means to be human.
I might not know exactly how things are going to turn out, but I’m going to continue working towards my goals no matter what, and whatever happens I will accept the outcome.
My happiness does not come from stuff or people outside of me, it comes from within. Its nice to have others in my life to share it with, however if I can’t accept myself as I am, how can I ever accept life as it is?