No One Gives You Power
Editor’s Note: This is a continuation of our core conversation, “Extraordinary Women Change the World.” In our last post, Stacy Stone shared her life-changing story towards empowerment. Today, Justine Musk inspires us to support one another's power.
No one gives you power.
How packaged we are, how limited our options: bright blue or soft pink. Nature expresses itself in more than two colors and yet, as boys and girls and men and women, this is all we get? Who decided?
(My own femininity is a mix of black, purple, royal blue, and fuchsia. Thank you much.)
No one gives you power.
In the early 1900's, pink used to be a boys’ color. Notes the BBC:
The Women's Journal explained it thus:
That pink being a more decided and stronger colour, is more suitable for the boy, while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl.
DressMaker magazine agreed.
The preferred colour to dress young boys in is pink. Blue is reserved for girls as it is considered paler, and the more dainty of the two colours, and pink is thought to be stronger (akin to red).
The BBC adds:
What prompted the switch is unclear, but it had been made by the time Adolf Hitler ordered the classification of homosexuals. Those deemed "curable" were sent to concentration camps and labeled with a pink triangle. This suggests that by then, pink was associated with femininity.
Pink is not only associated with ”˜femininity’, femininity itself is a ”˜condition’ that must be cured/exterminated. Unless, of course, it is properly contained in the body of an actual girl – the so-called inferior sex. This is the historical legacy we are still in the work of dismantling. It’s otherwise known by that old-fashioned word (say it with me boys and girls): ”˜patriarchy.’
Patriarchy is a system. You don’t have to be male or female to support it, resist it – or be damaged by it. In a society that declares itself a democracy, all voices are equal – but some are more equal than others. Patriarchy is about who gets to speak -- and who should be silent – and who, sometimes, should be silenced. (As Margaret Atwood once pointed out, silence and powerlessness go together.)
No one gives you power.
I am a writer, so ”˜voice’ is an integral part of my profession. Editors know that anything in a manuscript can be revised and fixed – except the voice. You either have it or you need to develop it – and the only way to do that is through practice.
Use it or lose it.
Your voice, I have learned, is who you are. When you raise your voice through what you say, do, or make (a novel, a painting, a website, a movement, a company) when you dare to a strong point of view, you project that sense of identity into the world. You become what you stand for. You are what you create.
I’ve often thought that female empowerment is creative empowerment: creating our own authentic sense of who we are and what our story is, and how to tell it to the world.
We define ourselves instead of being defined by others. We set our own agenda instead of being slotted into the agendas of others. We become the heroes of our own life scripts, in a culture that still encourages us to be the supporting player – the girlfriend role – in someone else’s.
We speak in our own damn voice.
Creative power isn’t about command-and-control, but the power to: to inspire, to invoke, to mobilize, to be a catalyst, to have impact, to raise hell, to reach out, to lift people up, to maintain healthy boundaries, to change the game, to nurture and protect, to set new standards, to beat back the demons at the door when they come calling. (And they do.)
No one gives you power.
But something happens when you tell your story to the world -- with boldness, artistry, relevance, and skill --and reveal the truth of your own experience. You give other people permission to tell their story. And they give people permission to tell their story. And so on and so on.
This is the way the world splits open.
We’re taught that to be confessional is to be exhibitionistic and narcissistic. But when you peel back the layers – when you’re willing to go there, as we call it in my writing workshop – when you’re brave enough to risk an in-your-face vulnerability – it’s a chance to bring things out of the dark and into the collective consciousness.
When we stay silent, we stay isolated.
It’s only when we start to talk to each other, when we use our real voices and share our real stories, do we realize that my problem is also her problem and her problem and her problem; that this thing I saw as my own fault, my private shame, my secret defect, connects to a larger pattern in the culture and, together, we can change it.
When we speak up, we find our solidarity. We move out of isolation and into community. Including global community.
And we desperately need to do that.
NBC News correspondent Anne Thompson once told 600 women leaders:
If there is anything I’ve learned over my years of covering change, it is this: power for change occurs when individuals set aside their differences and start thinking about themselves as part of a group. The strongest power is not with individuals but what we can accomplish as a group.
In her book POWERING UP, Anne Doyle tells of something that Reem Abu Hassan, a lawyer in Jordan, said to her:
Anne, we were inspired when the first woman was named to your Supreme Court. We celebrated when one of your women stood her ground and ran for president. Don’t underestimate the importance of each step American women take. You truly affect how women are viewed throughout the world.
Our global sisters, says Anne, “are counting on us to stand up, speak up, and rise up” as true leaders. Anne also quotes co-authors Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn, who wrote the groundbreaking book HALF THE SKY: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide. The struggle for global gender equality, they state, is “the paramount challenge of the twenty-first century:
The tide of history is turning women from beasts of burden and sexual playthings into full-fledged human beings…The economic advantages of empowering women are so vast as to persuade nations to move in that direction. Before long, we will consider sex slavery, honor killings, and acid attacks (on women) as unfathomable as foot-binding. The question is how long that transformation will take and how many girls will be kidnapped into brothels before it is complete – and whether each of us will be part of that historical movement or a bystander.
No one gives you power.
But we can inspire each other to step up to the plate, to develop our talents and mastery, to be bold, to take risks, to raise our collective voice, not just for ourselves but the sake of the global sisterhood.
No one gives you power.
But we can give each other tools and tips and strategies, ideas on how to wield it, how to get comfortable with it, even enjoy it.
No one gives you power.
You claim it. It’s been in you all along.
How you use it – or lose it – is up to you.
But you’re not as alone as you think.
We want it. We need it. We’re listening.
About Justine: Justine Musk is a writer who believes that badass creativity is a way of life. Her eponymous blog helps women develop their true voice, be brilliantly productive, and compel their right audience. Only visionaries, misfits, rebels and scandalous women need apply. You can find her on Twitter, where she tweets about writing, creativity, art, technology and social media, and on Pinterest, where she storyboards her psychological novel-in-progress, The Decadents.