Burrito in the Bathroom
Our instinctive response to burritos in bathrooms can help us create dedicated spaces everywhere else
Most of us are naturally disgusted with the idea of taking a burrito into the bathroom with us. That’s not what you do in a bathroom and what you do in the bathroom is opposed to handling burritos.
Burritos don’t belong in bathrooms.
Because of this natural disgust, we don't need complex productivity methods, accountability systems, or 27-step habit protocols to prevent us from taking burritos into bathrooms. Our primal relationship with spaces handles that work automatically — no apps, tracking systems, or accountability partners required.
It turns out that we can leverage this wiring to help us create other boundaried spaces.
Screens Don’t Belong in the Bedroom (for Us)
When Angela and I started living together decades ago, we decided that we didn’t want TVs in our bedroom. That’s not what we wanted to do in the bedroom and what we wanted to do in the bedroom didn’t require TVs.
We extended it to cell phones, smart phones, and laptops as technology became more embedded. Our family agreement is “no screens in the bedroom,” but we make an exception for Kindles because Angela has always read to fall asleep and Kindles are a calm and superior technology for her reading habits.
Due to this long-standing family agreement, taking any device into our bedroom feels like taking a burrito into the bathroom for either of us. Our bedroom threshold is an emotional threshold that makes us check to see if we’re in integrity.
Our family agreement backs our Intentions with Boundaries that hold them.
Unlike the absolute “(no) burritos in the bathroom” idea, the exception to the “no screens in the bedroom” agreement is laundry. We’ll often watch shows or talk to family while we’re doing laundry. But, as soon as we’re done with laundry, the screens are exiled again and we never do laundry in the early morning or evening.
Because of the “no screens in the bedroom” agreement, neither of us have the array of unhealthy (for us) habits with devices that many people have. We don’t wake up to texts, emails, or social media scrolling and we’re not scrolling, grazing, and texting in a way that keeps us up past our bedtimes. If I want to check email, I have to get up, go downstairs, pull the phone out of the cubby, and check something. The space plus friction beats my anxieties and dopamine cravings.
What Spaces Do You Need to Create Boundaries For?
I shared our bedroom agreement because I’ve learned it’s the one that shocks, inspires, and scares people. People want to do it, but immediately start coming up with all the reasons they can’t do it. Those reasons are easy to address; the fear of missing out (of what?!) and “responsibility” to be permanently connected (to what?! And when did we agree to that?!) are the real barriers to address.
Here are some other spaces to consider:
A reading space
A meditation, stretching, or workout space
A deep/focus work space (separate from your “office”)
A dining space where you ONLY eat and socialize with beings in your physical presence
A den or hobby space (aka man-caves, she-sheds, and they-theres)
A nurturing nursery
Notice that I’m saying spaces and not rooms. I acknowledge that there are lots of folks in the US and world that don’t have the luxury/privilege of having separate rooms and, often, not even separate spaces. I certainly didn’t grow up with the luxury of separate rooms or even a private room.
Sometimes a dimension of life needs a different space to blossom.
Separate rooms make it a lot easier to create boundaries, but it’s not necessary to have separate rooms to create separate spaces. For instance, in my office, I have a recliner that I sit in when I draft and write. I’ve intentionally placed it so it sees the back of my iMac and has an end table between it and my desk. I don’t do admin work there and don’t have my phone in my hand. It’s just enough of a spatial barrier and change of perspective to separate the areas without needing a separate room. It started as a transitional experiment and, though I suspected I needed a separate room for it, it surprised me and worked pretty well.
And, obviously, you don’t have to own a space for it to have a dedicated function. The coffee shop is my dedicated drafting and focused work space, for example. When I go to the coffeeshop, I’m intentional about what goes with me and what I do there. My iPhone usually stays at home. Books, a calm drafting device, a notepad, and writing folder are all I need and all I take.
At the same time, many of the same people who tell me it’s impossible for them to create the types of spaces above also have guest rooms or spaces that are staged and dedicated for other people to stay in their homes for 5-10 days a year. Sometimes those rooms are their kids’ rooms, but those kids are now adults with their own homes and kids.
Consider what objects belong in your spaces and what are closer to burritos in the bathroom. It’s not just about creating the right spaces — it’s about what you allow into them. For instance, do you need your smartphone in your reading space, and, if so, can you create the habit/ritual that you turn it on do not disturb or selective pass-through?
Spaces can be like habits: at first, you make them, but later, they can make you. Are your spaces and what you allow into them supporting you to become the person you want to be or keeping you from who you want to be?
The discussion on "no screens in the bedroom" highlights the power of spatial integrity in reinforcing positive routines, while also challenging the fear of disconnection https://www.cattranslator.net