Americans both love and hate pioneers and cowboys at the same time.
Our cultural icons are those hard-working men and women who do their own thing and become really successful. Yet, on a day in and day out level, we teach people to get in line and follow the route laid down before them.
We see people work their entire lives and peacefully retire, all the while never rocking the boat. We see those hardworking but line-toeing people get replaced by younger people with fresh ideas. We don’t want to be those people quietly ushered out the door, but the majority of us show up and toe the line.
Part of the problem is that we have conceptually tied together financial security and happiness. We see artists and creatives struggle and assume that they’re desperate and unhappy because of their financial situation. We don’t see that they’re happy doing what they love – we just see their broken-down vans.
One of the most significant advancements of Tim Ferriss’ 4-Hour Workweek
is his very forceful presentation of those who would rather show up to a job they hate every day but be comfortable with their misery rather than creating their own freedom while being insecure about the prospects. “Better the hell we know,” indeed.
Another contributing factor to our schizophrenia is how we value people. On the one hand, we think that human lives are priceless and equal. But in the trenches, we very quickly evaluate people by how much income or exchange they command. Those who command more income get more respect, and those who generate ideas and identities that sell get a larger share of our attention.
We learn this from a very early age, as well. We learn that art, creativity, and free expressiveness are the wrong path because, obviously, the path that leads to financial insecurity is the wrong path. Rather than asking ourselves what we enjoy, we ask ourselves first how we’ll make money.
Those who have quit walking “the right path” are liberated up until the point in which they have to explain what they’re doing to someone who believes in “the right path” nonsense. It’s at those points in which they have to deal with the condescending attitude of those people who think they’re just naive and will soon grow up.
(Go ahead, try to get people on “the right path” to talk about happiness without referring to economic position and material stuff. It’s a strange combination of funny and tragic that they can’t.)
We know that family, friends, creative pursuits, and quality leisure are the stuff that human life is made of, yet we march to the beat of the dollar everyday.
Untangle measures of happiness from money and security. Money is a means to an end, not the end itself. If you know this, you probably live from the outside-in. If you truly understand it, you’re on the path to living from the inside-out.
Just a warning, though. People will love and hate your individuality. You will rock boats, and you will unsettle people’s reality as your path challenges theirs. You may become alienated from those you were once close to.
You’ll no longer be schizophrenic, but people will think you’re crazy. And that’s the true irony.
I think the older people get, the easier it is for them to follow their passion instead of their bank accounts.
There comes a point when you realize that life is too short to be miserable . . .
It’s the whole reason I quit my job and sort of started a whole new career path. 🙂
theramblinghousewifes last blog post..Searching for Sacred
@theramblinghousewife: I agree completely. As we age, we see through the hype and confusion and eventually find ourselves.
Now, did you sort of start a new career, or did you start a new career? “Sort of” implies hesitation or vaguity…
I think you’re right on–we admire those are free yet secure, and condescend to those who are happy yet not secure. It’s only okay to be a maverick if it turns out successfully.
I don’t need too many material items, and my self-worth isn’t wrapped in Stuff. But for me, separating happiness and security is a challenge.
Great post, Charlie, but then I’m sure you knew I’d like this one.
Sometimes I look at my son and I hope my husband and I can continue to foster his individuality and natural creativity without ever getting so scared for his future that we break his spirit and try to get him to conform.
My own parents started off with the right ideals, but were downtrodden by life as the years passed. My dad especially, lost much of his optimism and creative spirit in my teenage years after my parents divorced and we were broke and struggling. There was a lot of fear in my house and at some point the message that I could do anything warped to “You gotta do something that pays and creativity never pays”.
I’ve had a bugger of a time kicking that voice and today I still find myself evaluating my creative and story ideas on the basis of whether they’re “marketable”, rather than whether they get me excited.
I try very hard to live from the inside-out, but when your choices constantly lead to the disapproval of loved ones, it can be hard to stick to your guns and stay true to your own path. Sometimes I really wish I was more ‘normal’, that I saw money as some sort of fix-it for everything the way other people do. But you can’t change what you are and I’ve always been an individual who likes to walk the road less traveled.
Kelly
Kelly@SHE-POWERs last blog post..A Weekend Funny: My Living Will
@Sara: I’m the same way, actually. It’s only recently that I began to see that I was happier when I lived more authentically than when I live more securely. How long can we march to the beat of the dollar?
@Kelly: “I wish I were more like you — easily amused…” – Nirvana
What’s really strange is when you live an otherwise good life that you don’t like. People are all like, why are you complaining? What’s your problem?
And then you wonder why you’re not like them, and then you wonder who’s right, and you’re no further along.
You’re not like them – their shoes don’t fit no matter how many times you put them on.
Yet we still try.
It’s the absurdity, I tell you – and it’s really hard to fight.
I appreciate you helping me tell this story.
fantastic post. I really needed to read advice like this at this particular moment in my life. I’m a college transfer student looking at a crossroads. I’m bordering on too many credits to enter one of the professional degree tracks my family would rather see me on, yet all I want to do is write novels. I’m beginning to see american life as a thruway, and I’d rather get off and take the back roads…it’s also very interesting to see adults raise an eyebrow at someone who announces they are studying english or philosophy at the liberal arts universities american culture forces them to attend. oxymoronic, indeed.
@Andrew: I hate to sound hyperbolic, but now’s the time to follow your dreams. Once you get on the American Dream bus, it’s really hard to get off. I envy you that you already know what you want to do, as it took me awhile after college.
You have to be sincere with the answer to this question: Would you rather make yourself happy or make your family happy, if you couldn’t do both? You’re struggle will be hard, as filial pressures are of the worst kind, but it’ll be harder if you’re wishy-washy about the answer to that question.
Love this post. Found it from your most popular posts page.
I’ve found it to definitely be the case that the more I find my own path, the more everyone thinks I’m totally nutso! Recently, I’ve found the importance of tact when speaking one’s true opinions, unless you want to create chaos and conflict with others…
Keep on rockin’ the blogosphere,
~Duff
Duffs last blog post..Deconstructing Personal Development, Part 3: State Management, Positive Thinking, and the Cultivation of Mania
@Duff: Tact ought to be the first thing to learn on our journeys, really. Once you go solo, it becomes so hard to remember that you’re on your own and that your lifestyle threatens others. Figuring out how to live a tactfully authentic life is difficult – it’s a very hard balance.
Oh how I wished I had read this before I graduated. After graduation from college, my boyfriend and I chose to do some traveling – and not take up jobs. While my boyfriend is feeling the pressure to conform (parents of course) he is looking for a job in this uncertain market.
On the other hand, I’ve embraced my choice to follow my creative pursuits and make things happen for myself. Silly as it may sound, a fortune teller told me that I would be doing things that made people ask themselves “what’s wrong with Nathalie?”, and threaten their own perceptions of success. He also said that this phase of “challenge” would last for 30 years, until I’m 53. I’m kinda looking forward to this whole challenging phase, to tell the truth. 🙂
This was such an awesome post, and it really spoke to me.
Charlie,
Coming to this conversation late, but this matches exactly my own experiences treading a unique path. People often think of me as “crazy” or naive or are sometimes even offended that I’ve chosen to pursue writing as a career goal when I could have been (and once considered becoming) a doctor.
It seems money is either the most easily changeable factor for people seeking happiness (go to school, work hard, start your own business, etc. and you can move up the economic ladder) or the most important for society to encourage, and it’s to such a degree that people have forgotten its a tool to reach happiness, not a goal in and of itself.
Thank you for pointing this out so well in your post.
David Dittells last blog post..Writing Links of the Day 02/20/2009
Hi, I found this searching for schizophrenia, and while it’s somewhat off topic from what I was looking for, I found it very relevant. I love Tim Ferris’s book. It changed my perspective on business. I also think about these kind of things, not only with Americans but with everyone. Another example is how we like to build up hero’s (such as Hollywood stars) and then we can’t wait to tear them down in the tabloids or watch them go off on some drug binge. It’s like crucifying our messiahs. We have this strange love-and-hate relationship and also these false dichotomies we build up. Interesting post 🙂