Editor’s Note: This is a guest post by Marissa Bracke.
You don’t get to decide whether you’re a guru*.
First, we have to establish two things: one, you control your own reactions, and two, you cannot control others’ reactions.
If you’re with me on that, continue on. If you’re not, go ahead and stop reading, because the rest won’t jive if you believe you can control someone else’s reactions. (But here’s a hint: you can’t.)
You cannot control whether or not you’re seen as a celeb. Your audience decides whether you’re a celebrity. You don’t get a say in the matter. As such, whether you feel like a celebrity or an everyday guy doesn’t matter when it comes to whether you are, in the eyes of your audience, The Big Kahuna.
The biggest Big Kahuna mistake I see people make is struggling against being perceived and treated as a Big Kahuna, which is outside of their control, rather than simply focusing on what they can do with their sphere of influence as a Big Kahuna (which is within their control).
* You can replace the word “guru” with Leader or Big Kahuna or Head Honcho or Big Cheese or Celebrity. The word itself is not the point–what matters is acknowledging that people perceive you as being on an upper rung of some metaphorical ladder.
What you cannot control
Johnny Truant recently wrote a post about how he and other leaders / internet celebs / choose your title are just normal, everyday folks. His point, which I mention later, was not to argue over his Big Kahuna status. But some points he brought up–like not wanting people to fawn over how honored they are when he follows them on Twitter–reminded me of conversations I’ve seen, heard and been a part of with other newly-minted Big Kahunas who struggle with their audience’s perception.
But by the time you reach a point where people are fawning over how honored they are that you’re following them on Twitter–by the time you’re struggling with having that as an issue in your life–the jig is up. You’re a guru. You can’t demand or request it away. You cannot control others’ reactions, and somebody feeling aflutter at being followed on Twitter by a person they perceive to be a Big Somebody falls into the category of “others’ reactions.”
On a larger scale, once you’ve got an audience of individuals who each have some degree of “celebrity-reaction” to you, for that audience, you’re a celebrity. That’s their perception and reaction. And that’s completely outside of your control.
What you can control: Your perception of you.
That people begin viewing and treating you with some level of notoriety or celeb status does not mean you have to start wearing Gucci sunglasses in the clubs at night, snotting off at people who want to talk to you, or requesting your caviar be brought to you in bed by a fawning manservant. You don’t have to change who you are to match your audience’s perceptions.
You get to control whether you buy into your own celebrity perception.
If you feel like the same everyday guy or gal you were before people got excited about your Twitter followbacks–then act like that. It won’t necessarily change the way people react to you, but then again, that’s outside your control. But it will affect the way people respond to you as they get to know you. If people continue interacting with you and realize that you’re just a normal dude who puts his pants on one leg at a time, then the people closest to you will probably treat you accordingly.
But your fans? They may still “OMG” over getting an email from you. Let them. That’s outside your control.
What makes the difference is whether you start to buy into that celebrity perception. When you start to believe you “deserve” special treatment, or you start choosing your friends based on who’s “big” and who’s not, or you catch yourself viewing the world in a “people like me” versus “people like them” mentality, you may want to have a come-to-Jesus with a close friend who’s not afraid to remind you just how ordinary you really are.
But your fans? Won’t do that. How you perceive you is solely within your own jurisdiction. Maintaining a level head about who you really are is vital–remembering that you put your pants on one leg at a time keeps you from becoming a naked emperor, marching arrogantly and nudely through the streets. But being the mediator of your own perception? That’s not the role your fans play… that’s a role you have to play for yourself (and one your critics can help with, if you need your ego checked).
Denying you’re a Big Kahuna only reinforces your Big Kahuna-ness.
If in fact you want to be treated more as an everyman (or everywoman), the worst possible tactic you can use is denial.
Here’s why: people who aren’t celebrities don’t have to deny that they’re a celebrity. When was the last time the cashier at your grocery store told you, “I’m just like you”? When was the last time the customer service rep at your electric company’s call center told you, “I put my pants on one leg at a time, just like you”? I’m guessing that’s not a conversation you’ve had with them. There’s no need. You don’t perceive them that way.
The minute you start denying you’re a Big Kahuna, you implicitly admit to the world that you are, in fact, a Big Kahuna. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t have to spend time denying it.
When you say, “I’m not special! I’m just like you!”–even if you mean it with every ounce of sincerity in your body–you only reinforce the notion that you are special.
First, by explaining that being treated like a Somebody is a factor in your life, you separate yourself from the non-Somebodies for whom that is very much not a factor. Ipso facto, you just reinforced the notion that you are a Somebody, and that you are special.
Second, for the segment of your audience that sees you as Celebrity or as Guru, your denial of your celebrity-ness only makes you more worthy of celebrity-ness. Think of the way Hollywood celebs are lauded for just being “a regular guy/gal.” That they’re a celeb who doesn’t act like a celeb just makes them more fan-worthy. Even if you’re not a Hollywood A-lister, that same principle holds true: the more you insist that you’re not a Big Kahuna, the more “OMG, he’s so fabulous that he doesn’t even think he’s fabulous!” your fans are likely to be.
What you can control, part 2: Stop Denying & Start Leveraging
Once you’re a Leader or a Guru or a Celeb or a Big Kahuna, you’ve got a platform. You’ve got persuasion power. You’ve got opportunity to make the big changes you’ve always wanted to make. You can get your message heard by people in a way and to a degree that is unavailable to someone who is a non-celeb.
Make the changes in the world you’ve always wanted to make now you’ve got a rapt and devoted audience who’s willing to help you. Deliver the message you’ve always wanted to deliver–now you’ve got an audience of people eager to hear what you’ve got to say.
But don’t spend your time and energy on lamenting, denying or explaining away your Big Kahuna status. It doesn’t change it (and in fact may only reinforce it). Worse, it takes time and energy away from whatever Great Stuff you could otherwise be doing with that platform you’ve built.
Put your time and your energy where you want to make a difference, and let those who perceive you as the Big Kahuna follow your lead.
Focus on what you can control. You can’t control others’ perceptions that have given you some celebrity status. But what you can control is what you do with the status you’ve got.
Bridging the gap: Getting your fans to realize that they can do it too
The point of Johnny’s post was that the “fans” are like him, and can achieve success like he’s achieved success. That there isn’t some “magic” around him that others don’t have that makes his success unattainable for someone else.
It’s a valid point. But it doesn’t matter.
There will be people in the crowd who understand that–even if they view Johnny as a celebrity. And those people will use the tools at their disposal to follow Johnny’s lead and carve out their own success. Johnny offers products and services and blog posts helping point those people in the right direction, which is awesome. Those people don’t need explanations or insistence. They already get it.
But there will also be people in the crowd who don’t understand that–or just don’t believe that. They think there’s a magic pill involved in hitting it big, and they often believe that magic pill is either out of reach or perpetually contained in the one information product they haven’t yet purchased. For them, no amount of explaining or insisting will make them understand or believe it. That’s okay. That part of the crowd comes with the celebrity status.
So how do you make your audience see that you’re just like them, and they can do what you’ve done?
You don’t.
You carry on being the everyday dude that you are, and you refrain from buying into your own celebrity-ness. You live the explanation. You offer direction and guidance and assistance for those who are willing to believe that they too can do what you’ve done. You keep a close circle of people who help you keep your feet on the ground and your compass set to the goals you want to achieve, so that you’re supported in being the everyday dude you are.
You keep your time and energy focused on the differences you want to make, and stop hoping to control what’s outside of your control.
Those who will follow your lead will follow your lead. Those who will be mired by their own perceptions of you will be mired. But if you focus on the mired, those who would follow your lead don’t have you to follow. Guess which one has the bigger impact. (Hint: it’s not the mired.)
So “you be who you be.” You do what you do.
You remember that each day before you step onto that platform of influence you’ve built that you put your pants on one leg at a time.
And you let go of all the rest.
Photo Credit: werkunz1
You live the explanation.
And maybe part of that is staying humble enough to be as intrigued and excited about what you might learn from your “fans” as they are about what they might learn from you.
Wisdom is everywhere.
Love your mind, Marissa.
So true, and I love the point re: being excited about you can learn from others. I cannot agree emphatically enough! Being fascinated by what others are doing and creating is also an excellent way to make sure you don’t get caught up in your own status. Hard to take yourself too seriously when you regularly get swept up in curiosity & wonder at others’ ideas!
The irony here is that I just realized that I made THIS EXACT POINT in my very first post on IttyBiz (March 23, 2009 – my 33rd birthday), but of course it was about Naomi rather than Johnny:
http://ittybiz.com/guinea-pigs-and-gurus/
She was irritated that I’d call her a guru, but allowed that it was true. And my point was that people believed Naomi could do it as a guru but many didn’t believe THEY (non-gurus) could do it. So the original point of “The Johnny Experiment” on IttyBiz (the above was the first post in that series) was to prove that “one of the regular guys” could do it.
Seems they can. How ironic.
Great post, Marissa!
I always love me some irony!
But even more than that, I love that one of the regular guys can–and did–do it. 🙂
Oh. Wow. Mind-blowingly wonderful post.
Thank you.
Thanks for the kind words. Glad you dig it!
Yes!! I f’n love this post. It makes me feel all fluffy, like a big happy bluebird.
Okay, that’s weird, but that’s how I felt.
Is it completely weird if I say I know exactly what you mean?!
Is it even weirder if I add my “blue bird” feeling into the hat too? 🙂
Great insights Marissa, I love your perspective on this.
Okay, yes, it’s even weirder that you both feel the bluebird thing.
Clearly we are meant to be AWESOME FRIENDS. Good thing we’re already on it. 😀
I love you both. <3
Uhhh, probably a little weird. But then, we’re such good friends that it’s a little less weird. (;
“Those who will follow your lead will follow your lead. Those who will be mired by their own perceptions of you will be mired. But if you focus on the mired, those who would follow your lead don’t have you to follow. Guess which one has the bigger impact. (Hint: it’s not the mired.)
So “you be who you be.” You do what you do.”
Love this. Taping it to the wall now.
Thanks for a beautifully written post. Deep wisdom there.
Glad it connected, Lisa. Thank you for the note!
Such simple wisdom knocks our socks off. Why should it? Down deep, don’t we already know the truth of what you’re saying?
I find that to be the case whenever I hear something that strikes me as deeply true… it’s more like being reminded of it, than learning it for the first time. I do think we carry a lot of deep wisdom with us, and sometimes it’s just a matter of shaking loose some of the “stuff” covering it to have a good a-ha moment. We often know more truth than we give ourselves credit for!
I love the fundamental message of this post: focus your time and energy on what you can control, what is within your circle of influence. In fact, it’s the third time this theme has come up for me this week.
The first time was in talking with a friend about his recent experience finishing Covey’s Seven Habits. The second time was talking to a psych major friend about one’s “locus of control.”
You see, it’s not only the key to handling being the Big Kahuna, but the key to productivity and happiness as well.
It’s one of those iron laws of life.
The first sentence of the post is almost a direct quote of what my mom told me over and over and over again when I was young. (And still has to remind me of from time to time!) I agree–it’s absolutely a life law, applicable far beyond the “Big Kahuna” realm. When I’ve been spinning my wheels and getting frustrated, it’s often because I’ve been putting lots of energy and time toward trying to control that which is outside my control… which is exactly when Mom has to give me a little reminder about that very law. 😉
“You live the explanation.”
Right on. That pretty much says it all, doesn’t it?
Because when people do that, there’s really no need to talk about not being a Big Kahuna.
I also think there’s a huge value in having those friends who will remind you not to take yourself and your perceived (or actual) status too seriously.
Awesome post Marissa!
p.s. Bonus points for working fawning manservant into a post.
The really neat thing is that the friends who will bring you back down to earth when you get a little too fluffed up are the same ones who will be there to help pick you up and build you back up when you’re feeling knocked down. It’s funny how that works, isn’t it? 😉
I really think someone should start using “Fawning Manservant” as a job title. I know people who would totally pay to have one of them on staff.
I want a fawning manservant. 🙂
As a newly-minted Big Kahuna, this post is insanely useful.
Being thrust into a giant position as writer of PluginID, I’ve denied my celebrity status, partly because I’m not one, and partly because my brand isn’t quite as strong as it should be yet.
I denied it at first, but since then, I’ve just been doing what I do – caring about everyone who’s in my community, making good posts, and in general, just being me. It’s liberating to think that I don’t have to do anything to live up to my celebrity status. Your post has cemented that in my brain, Marissa! Thanks!
Caring about people, putting out good content, and being true to who you are?
Well, hell yeah. That’s the kind of celebrity I’m happy to cheer for.
Glad the post helped & thanks for the comment!
Thanks for a great post Marissa, I really enjoyed it. I want to say more, but it’s all still permeating my brain, but this one sentence is worth remembering, for me at least:
You get to control whether you buy into your own celebrity perception.
Bonus points for use of the word “permeating,” which is one of those words I just really, really like. 🙂
So, I’m sorry. I’m confused.
Do I need to cancel the caviar guy?
(Nicely done, you guru, you.)
What? And put the poor caviar server out of a job? That’d just be cruel. As long as you’ve already hired him, you might as well keep him…
😉