Editor’s note: This is a guest post by Nancy Seibel.
It’s hard to tell anyone you have cancer, especially early on. Your emotions are still stirred up and raw. Every time you tell someone new about your condition, they react with shock, grief, or some combination of the two. You find yourself in a difficult, awkward place: You’re the source of their pain and telling them causes a resurgence of your own strong emotions.
It’s one thing to go through that experience when talking with those closest to you. It’s another to tell business colleagues and clients. Do you really have to do that? Well, no. But in my case, I decided the answer was, “Yes.” (Tweet this.)
Why I Told Clients about My Cancer Diagnosis
Here’s why. I’m a personal, life, health, and wellness coach, and an early childhood consultant. My relationships with clients are the context for the success of the work. To have safe, quality relationships, there has to be trust. And trust is established through sincerity, reliability, consistency, and care1.
How I Told My Clients about My Illness
Once I worked through the “why,” I was able to set a goal: to maintain the safety of the professional relationship, not to trigger my clients’ care-giving response. To meet that goal, I chose seven guiding principles for client conversations.
- Honor the fact that we are two humans in close contact, holding a deep and meaningful discussion.
- Be centered, clear, and calm before opening up the conversation.
- Share the facts and give realistic assurances for the near-future and long-term prognosis.
- Assure them that friends and family are supporting me on a personal and practical level.
- Put forward a plan for our continued work.
- Respond to offers of help with suggestions of how they can support me in sustaining my business.
- Recognize the emotional toll these conversations will take and only schedule one to two of these types of talks per week.
Those principles helped me be genuine. They also kept everything congruent, from my inner self to my words, tone of voice, and body language. They worked for my clients, too, helping them cope with my difficult news and have confidence that our work would progress. I was able to continue my consulting and coaching engagements with them. All in all, our relationships have only been strengthened by my choice to share such deeply personal news with them.
1Feltman, C. (2009). The thin book of trust. An essential primer for building trust at work. Bend, OR: Thin Book Publishing Company.
Sending a prayer/good thoughts your way
Peace, Love, Blessings, Health and Happiness!
Thank you!
Thank you for this article. I did not know one of my clients was ill until after he passed away. He hadn’t been paying his invoices or answering his emails. I did not know him well, but I was heartbroken to learn of his passing. I would have handled things differently. For one thing, rather than invoices and reminders I would have sent flowers, cards, and prayers. It is human to fall ill. We have got to stop pretending that a good business person is superhuman.
Naj, I am just now seeing this and wanted to respond. I’m sorry you didn’t know of your client’s illness. Of course had you been informed, you’d have handled the situation differently. It is human to fall ill. In sharing such circumstances we give others the chance to respond with caring and warmth.
timely post for me as I have spent the last 4.5 months telling current and potential clients of my brain tumour and impending surgery in 4 weeks time. Most have been good but there has been a shift in the relationship with some. One client even recruited someone in-house to take on the role I normally played as the external consultant and then lied to me continuously about it for 2 months. I finally discovered the truth when I realised I was in fact training this girl without my knowledge. She was “tasked” with the project and then used several excuses of how the person I dealt with for the last 3 years was busy. My review sessions dragged from the usual half hour to several hours and then after 3 weeks it clicked that I was inadvertently training her. One of their staff members let it slip that that’s what she had been recruited to do. I have also had a select few people start to treat me a like a mad woman who has completely lost their mind as well.
I hope you’re doing well since your surgery. I know full recovery is a process and takes quite some time. It’s good to know that most of your clients responded well to your discussions with them. It is disappointing that some did not. As time has passed, what are your reflections on these experiences, the positive as well as the more difficult ones?