Editor’s note: I recorded this as a podcast for Productive Flourishing long after I originally published this post. I hope you enjoy it, and if you’d like to hear more episodes of the podcast, you’ll find them in the show’s archives.
We think too small, like the frog at the bottom of the well. He thinks the sky is only as big as the top of the well. If he surfaced, he would have an entirely different view. – Mao Tse Tung
Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone
The world we see is so much smaller than the full world. The picture below is not to scale because if it were, we likely wouldn’t be able to see the speck on the board that would be the seen world, but you get the point.
Knowing this and being able to apply it in your life are two separate things, though, because when it comes time to make really important decisions, we default to what we know – which means we decide that the world works the way we’ve seen it work.
Which means we take jobs that look like other jobs we’ve seen.
We choose and reinforce relationship patterns that look like what we’ve seen.
We create work that looks like the work we’ve seen other people create.
We pursue the opportunities that look like the other opportunities we’ve seen.
Most of what is going to change our lives lies right outside of the world we’ve seen and known, but we have to step outside of that world to be able to see that the world we’ve been seeing is only a small portion of the full world that can be seen.
Taking the step outside of the world we see is an act of faith or trust that’s hard enough for any of us, but it’s harder when those around you have a smaller view of the world than you do, because you have to convince someone who hasn’t seen what you hope to find on the other side that there’s something worth stepping into the unknown for. You’ll inevitably have to leave some people on the safe shores of certainty (the comfort zone), but when the people you love most are irrevocably a part of a journey, you have to take a different approach.
If you move too quickly without them, you’ll end up breaking the trust, security, and relationships that you have with those people. If you don’t shake things up at all, you’re all stuck in the same seen world, unable to create the only-fits-you life you most want to live.
There’s an art to shaking your world up without breaking it up, but the key point to remember is that they’re not the same thing. Those who are scared to take the journey with you will naturally think that shaking is breaking, and your insistence on making something happen now will naturally lead you to break rather than shake. As I discussed in The Two Dynamics of Change, sometimes you need to tip (break), and other times you need to step (shake), but being able to communicate why a particular kind of change is needed goes a long way with the people you want and need to keep on the journey with you.
In Start Finishing, I talk about 2 questions you can ask to get you going:
- What’s the smartest next step on this project?
- What’s the most courageous next step on this project?
How might you step out of your comfort zone and step into the full world without breaking your current world?
Reading this has rounded my week of perfectly and energised me for the week ahead. Shake or Break will be the focus of my conversations to drive creativity and expand my world. Bring it on.
Rock it this week, Denise! I’m glad this one landed for you. 🙂
What a great article. Jim, too, thinks it’s good. Applies in personal relationships, business creating and building, gaining customers, studying a profession, making lifestyle changes, …. In short, this is an insightful overview on change-making in all arenas. And since life *is* change, we’d better learn these lessons. When to step and when to tip, how to shake without breaking self or others – therein are my takeaways. Thanks. Jim *changed* his mind — he *sees* that it’s tremendous!
Thanks for sharing your and Jim’s takeaways, Jim. I didn’t go into it much, but the business of coaching is all about navigating this journey with other people. It’s the very reason people hire coaches. Thought I’d put a bug in Jim’s ear about that, too. 🙂
Huh. What a great observation Charlie. I hadn’t quite realized it like this before, but as soon as I read this I 100% recognized it.
In the last few years my husband and I have had a few amazing opportunities to travel to, work and live in developing countries. Returning home to the USA has been a challenge as we realize how much we now KNOW simply because of what we have seen and experienced… and how much that knowledge is outside the comfort zone of those around us.
My best advice for “shaking” instead of “breaking” = tell stories. Share stories of your experience, what you saw, how it made you feel, what it “broke” in you about the stories you always thought, the ways things were the same, and the way they were different…
In my experience, a lot of people would LIKE to know more about the world, they just need a thoughtful, observant and safe guide who is willing to share it with them. They don’t know who to trust, they don’t know what to ask, or how to ask, but if you start sharing stories, many people will eagerly listen. Don’t demand they agree, or even understand… simply share the stories.
While my experience relates to sharing about life overseas, I imagine the same principles carry over to many “expand your world” aspects of life.
I like your anaolgy of the guide, Laura.It’s a lot more comfortable being uncomfortable if there is someone at your side.
This is fantastic, Laura. Most attempts to force someone into the full world – pushing them to break – are met with resistance and don’t work well. Your counsel here is right on.