(I shared an abridged version of this on Facebook and the response indicated that it would probably be good to share here, too.)
Okay, gents. Friday is Valentine’s Day. Make a plan and follow-through. (Click to tweet this – thanks for helping me make everyone’s Valentine’s Day that much better.)
- Cards and gifts are not optional, despite what she says. Here’s how to find a good gift. Also remember that gifts need not be material tokens – hiring a housecleaner or personal assistant for her or getting that flower garden done might count, too.
- Bonus: Read the Heart of the Five Love Languages. It’s $3.99, short, and you can get it and read it on just about any device (including your phone!) in 30 minutes. It’ll help you get the right gifts and craft the right experiences for her. (I’m intentionally recommending the condensed book, not the longer but still worth reading version.)
- You’ll want to have something ordered from Amazon by Tuesday, February 11th.
- Valentine’s Day is Friday. That means you need to have everything taken care of by Friday, not on Friday.
- Avoid lingerie (or anything else that may be used in the bedroom) or appliances. (I learned both the hard way.)
- You may still be able to get a place for a getaway if you move on it today or tomorrow because the majority of other men will think about reservations Wednesday or Thursday morning. You’ve got a narrow window, but it’s still a window.
- “I just want to be together” does not mean “let’s stay at home and watch TV like we normally do”
- “It’s the thought that counts” is a code phrase that means “this isn’t what I wanted.” Do not be duped: your thinking about doing something she wants and not doing it weighs exactly the same as her thinking about doing something you want and not doing it.
- If you like Valentine’s Day, great. If not, do your best to play along.
- Do not share your commentary about the economics, history, or ideology of Valentine’s Day with her. Save that for the sympathetic ear of your male friends.
- You cannot go wrong with putting in effort. You will go wrong by not putting in effort.
- The (personal) projects that show the people around us that we love them are just as important as the other (professional) projects we do.
There is a small minority of women who would be absolutely repulsed, frustrated, and triggered by my assumption – and yours – that this is the type of thing they’d want. Statistically, it is very unlikely that you’re in a relationship with one such woman. Unless you’ve tried before and have received a cool or highly critical response, assume that you’re not in a relationship with one of the women who’d rather opt out.
The list above is from 16 years of hard-won lessons with a woman who I love more than the day I met her. My knowing-doing gap can be very large here, too, as is illustrated in how to avoid being an idiot and show your lady you love her on a big day, which I wrote almost 5 years ago.
Just get it done, and pour as much love into as you can.
p.s. I’ll remind you about two weeks earlier next year. Or set up a communication list just so that we can stay on top of this together. (Comment / email me about this if you’re interested.)