It’s natural to lean on proving people wrong as a motivation to show up and do the work.
They always said you couldn’t do it.
They always said it couldn’t be done.
They always said you were naive.
You’ll show them. You’ll do it.
This mindset makes the world your enemy. This makes everything hard. No matter what you do, there’s another thing you need to do to prove them wrong. They said you were small, after all. You’ll show them.
What about all the people who said you could do it?
The people who always saw more in you than you ever saw in yourself.
The ones who caught you when you fell and steered you straight when you were lost.
The ones who reminded you, to paraphrase Marianne Williamson, that what you were really scared of was how powerful you were. The ones who looked through the illusions, masks, and struggle and saw an inner genius that’d been caged away and stifled by fear and false narratives.
How about you focus less on proving the naysayers wrong and instead prove the yaysayers right? (Tweet this.)
We all have more yaysayers than we do naysayers, but we spend an inordinate amount of time struggling with the one naysayer in the crowd of thousands of supporters. You’ll never prove the real naysayers wrong — naysaying is their livelihood and identity.
Focus on the people in your corner and the ones who send love back your way. Prove them right.
At a certain point, you’ll find that you don’t need to prove anything at all. And that those people you’ve been proving wrong are demons you’ve conjured and foisted upon the world. When you recognize that you’re the root of your own resistance, it’s much easier to spend less energy on demon-conjuring and more on flourishing.
Are you proving the right people right?
Move towards what can be done, the options I have, the framework that’s built, the people who I speak and collaborate with easily. What am I already doing that works and can do more of? So much easier and honorable energetically. Great post Charlie.
Thanks, Linda!
It was wonderful to spend some time with you at Profit Catalyst this last weekend.
This is a good piece of wisdom. I found your blog a few days ago, and I have really enjoyed it. Thanks Charlie.
Thanks and welcome, Marcus!
Wow – needed to hear this today. I am SO going to prove you right! Hope life is fantastic for you, Charlie!
It is, and you can, Shelly. Thanks for letting me know it helped.
Great post, positive angle. I love this. Thanks Charlie!
Exactly! 🙂 We can walk into a room and instead of noticing the 99 things that are just fine, we hone in on the one thing that’s wrong and obsess over it. Let’s look for what’s right for a change. I love this message.
Also, I always think it’s quite disrespectful to our supporters to just ignore them and listen only to the naysayers. As if a positive opinion counts less, somehow.. 😉
Hugs,
Melody
Great add about the disrespect to our supports. They count more! Maybe we should show them, huh?
Personally, I’ve always been more motivated by encouragement than criticism.
As a marching band geek in high school and college, I always tried harder and performed better when the director said “You guys are a great band, I know you can do this” rather than “That was the most atrocious thing I’ve ever seen, what were you thinking?”
Everyone responds uniquely to motivational strategies, and the challenge of a coach (business, life, sports, etc.) is to know their audience, and challenge them accordingly.
Personally, I agree with you wholeheartedly, and always try to prove the yea-sayers right.
Thanks, Douglas. At best, negative motivation works in the short term. At worst, it doesn’t work at all.
Hey Charlie, what a great reframe. It’s easy to go into “us vs. them” mode (or in this case “me vs. the world”)… but you’re so right on the money. We’re all one, and to succeed and prove them right in a good way is actually the only way to truly live the life you want and feel good doing it. 🙂
Charlie, I never really looked at it that way before. Seriously. Thank you so much for the paradigm shift. I just realized that I have so many more supporters than naysayers…that does motivate me a lot. It’s also good to have naysayers..because there are some bad people in the world, and if you’re not offending them, you’re probably doing something wrong.
Take care,
Josh Lipovetsky.
Great point, Josh, and I’m glad it helped. I often tell people that a sure sign that you’re growing is that you’re triggering a naysayer or two. 🙂
Charlie,
Thank You.
Both approaches, I believe, miss the point.
By relying on your supporters, you take the power away from yourself.
By relying on your critics or naysayers, you are doing the same.
In the long term, neither approach works: you are setting yourself up for defeat or misery. Why? Because you are giving power to something that is outside of your control.
Real wisdom is when you find the courage to listen to the still, small voice within and do what your conscience commands you to do. Follow the guidance that comes from your self.
This is neither magical nor mystical: we all possess the gift of our intuition. It is something we can access through daily meditation. That’s why I recommend meditation.
Sit still in a silent space and observe your breath. Breath is life. Make it a habit.
Over time, you will learn to have faith in your own self. You will feel enlightened. In this zen-like state, both your supporters and critics will fall by the wayside. It won’t matter what they think about you. Then, you have real power: the power of your authentic self.
Namaste.
I agree with you, ultimately. Where we’re sliding on nuance is that it’s hard for some people to get straight to the inner path, and, in that case, having the right external guides can help them get there.
After all, even the sages had teachers, no? 🙂
Namaste.
This post *delighted* me when I read it. YAYSAYERS!
Great perspective – and most definitely a very healthy one.
I think for most people sometimes motivation stemming from a bit of pain helps though – usually in that first little kick to get things going. I guess it’s the flipside: if you have all these people cheering you on, it forces you to align with that awesome image of you that they’re upholding. If you have people putting you down, you aim to show them that you are this awesome image of yourself that you have in your mind rather than what they’re saying.
Thanks for the reinforcement. Proving the people I’ve wanted to prove wrong is simply an ego stroke to tell them, “Ha! Beat you.” But what happens after that?
The only battle is you vs. yourself.
Hi Charlie
I totally loved this post. Certainly got me thinking about all the people that looked at me funny or made comments when I said I wanted to become a freelance writer. It can be tempting to go on a mission to prove them wrong. As you mentioned, it’s more important to prove all of my amazing friends that have stood by me and supported me that they were right. Love the positive way of looking at this.
Cheers
Thea
Yaysayers!
Look Out…..here we come
Whatever you give energy to will thrive. Choose the positive focus!!
an eye opening blog post….excellent read
Phenomenal read!