On the Sunday morning before Thanksgiving, we got word that Angela’s grandmother had died overnight. Her death was completely unexpected – Angela had just talked to her a few days prior and there weren’t any signs that her passing would be soon. One day we went to bed preparing for her family to come here for the holiday, and the next we were rearranging everything to go to them for a holiday laced with a tapestry of new meanings.
A good portion of my message is about using our finite time, energy, and attention wisely. Most people read that as a purely mundane and practical issue, but many of you know that I mean it in both the everyday sense and the more sacred sense.
It boils down to this: how we spend our days is how we live our lives. Those moments that unconsciously slip away add up and are gone forever.
Each of us leave residue when we pass. Some of that residue is positive because we contribute to the development of our family, friends, society, and world. Other bits of residue are not-so positive, as we leave things unsaid, undone, and unplanned that others then have to deal with.
Because many of us don’t have the courage, emotional fortitude, and foresight to handle some of the hard conversations around the negative residue, the lives of those left behind become harder than they could have been. There’s a subtle paradox here: one of the best ways we can leave positive residue is to prepare ourselves and others so that there’s less negative residue when our time is done.
We can tell and show our loved ones that we love them. Often and sincerely.
We can prepare our affairs so that people aren’t left with a life’s worth of stuff that they have to sort through while they’re grieving.
We can develop others so that they can take our place in the social web that will endure past us.
We can learn to let go so that what we’re building lives on without us.
We can act on the reality that nothing we accumulate while we’re here goes with us. We start with nothing and leave with nothing.
Every present contains the seeds of a future – a future in which we’re not here as much as a future in which we are.
How will you use the limited time you have? What seeds are you planting, and what fruit will it bear for others? Please use what you have wisely.
Rest in peace, Patricia Wheeler. Thank you for living a life so bold and teaching us so many lessons along the way.
Very sorry for your and Angela’s loss.
I’m not invested in urgency so much as I am in picking the right things to do with my limited time. The time is limited and part of it I’m going to want to spend in the grass, blowing on a dandelion.
So the legacy part, it needs to be something that I’m 100% in line with.
The post reminds me of the poem written by Nadine Stair. I keep a copy of it on my desk to remind me of what is important and frankly what isn’t. Even if we are blessed to live to 100…
If I had my life to life over again – by Nadine Stair
I’d dare to make more mistakes next time.
I’d relax, I would limber up.
I would be sillier than I have been this trip.
I would take fewer things seriously.
I would take more chances.
I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers.
I would eat more ice cream and less beans.
I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I’d have fewer imaginary ones.
You see, I’m one of those people who live sensibly and sanely hour after hour, day after day.
Oh, I’ve had my moments,
And if I had it to do over again,
I’d have more of them.
In fact, I’d try to have nothing else.
Just moments, one after another,
instead of living so many years ahead of each day.
I’ve been one of those people who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat and a parachute.
If I had to do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.
If I had my life to live over,
I would start barefoot earlier in the spring
and stay that way later in the fall.
I would go to more dances.
I would ride more merry-go-rounds.
I would pick more daisies.
Nadine Stair,
85 years old.
Good lessons for us to remember all the time; thanks.
Did you know that you and Annie Dillard think the same way? 🙂
May Patricia’s memory be a blessing.
So important!
Big love to you and Angela. Unexpected losses really hit hard.
Reflecting on how I want to live, and the legacy I will leave behind.
Hugs,
-Pam
Charlie,
I’m sorry for yours and Angela’s loss. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
I learned this lesson at an early age – my father fell and fractured his skull at my 3rd birthday party and died a week later at the age of 36.
Literally since then, I’ve known deep within me that life can change in the blink of an eye and that we must use our precious moments wisely and to their fullest.
I wrote a post about 3 life lessons I learned from my parents here: http://www.themogulmom.com/2009/03/3-life-lessons-i-learned-from-my-parents/.
Much love,
Heather
Thank you, Charlie, for this powerful reminder. Every word rings true for me …
When you and I talked last Thursday, on my mind (but unspoken) was that the next day would have been my mother’s 85th birthday. I got to call her last year to wish her a happy 84th. She passed away — suddenly and unexpectedly — the next morning.
I keep meaning to write a blog post about the life lessons from that hardest of losses … but somehow the screen gets all blurry when I sit down to write it. Thank you for saying what’s been often in my heart this past year.
My best to you and Angela,
Pam
Charlie,
I just want to take this opportunity to express my sincere, heart-felt condolences.
You and your wife lost somebody who was very dear to you. So, I was saddened by the news: I had to wipe away a tear from my eye. Thanks for informing us.
However, you and Angela need to know that you are not alone. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Today, I will dedicate my entire meditation session to you and your family during this difficult time.
You know what, old friend, life is full of ups and downs, trials and tribulations.
Bad news visits us without advance notification. We are seldom prepared for such rude shocks.
That’s why it’s important for you and Angela to share with your community here whenever you feel the chips are down and the truth is too much for your heart to bear.
We are here to support you and you have a shoulder to cry on.
Give Angela a hug and a kiss on my behalf and make sure to spend more quality time together, just the two of you.
Best wishes on your life’s journey.
So sorry for your loss.
A few years ago, my Dad was diagnosed with esophageal and lung cancer. He was gone a month or so later, but it seemed like only days…so quick!
What really threw me (and everyone) was when my son’s friend (17 yrs old) was killed in a freak automobile accident in November.
Made me think about my relationship with my kids. Not that it’s bad, but just to remember to always say I love you and to give them a hug, even though they may act like they don’t want it!
Hey Charlie,
I think it was Tim Ferriss that income without time has no value. That’s just a particular example of how important time is.
Most of us need to consciously learn to design our lives around enjoying ourselves rather than getting certain things which we often discover do not make us happy.
Cheers,
Eduard
PS: Since I quoted Tim Ferriss, I also remember this idea which I’m not sure who said it (either Buddha or me :)) that our life is the sum of our experiences, so the quality of those experiences is the quality of our lives.
Facebook was where I was spending most of my free limited time.
Hi Charlie – my thoughts go out to you and Angela. The points you make are extremely important – I actually forwarded it to my family, since I think these are things that I – and we all – tend to forget. It’s not just a list of items that we need to check off and complete – it’s an every day list of musts – an awareness and a practice. Thank you my friend!
Thank You…For the wonderful message of purpose.
david
Charlie thank you for sharing openly with us your loss and the positives you’ve taken from it, the meaning you’ve passed on to us and the strong message to value our time so much.
I’m off to make the most of my Friday and make an impact
Natalie