• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

Productive Flourishing

  • New Here
  • Momentum app
  • Books
  • Services
  • Blog
  • Free Planners
  • Quiz

How Is Your Perfectionism Feeding You?

By Charlie Gilkey on July 22, 2011 14 Comments
Last updated on August 27, 2021

The stories we tell about our perfectionism tend to feed us, and it's hard to drop a story that's feeding us. Let's talk about that story.| https://productiveflourishing.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/41.jpg

Are you grappling with perfectionism?

Rather than addressing the symptoms of perfectionism, let’s talk about one of its roots. There are others, but I’ll focus on one today.

Take a second to think about the story you tell yourself about being a perfectionist and pouring excess effort into completing something.

Is it that if you try your hardest, it’ll stand in place of the results you may or may not get from your efforts?

Do you crave the attention from doing too much, being stressed out, and overwhelmed by how much you’re doing? Does the sympathy for your overwhelm and fatigue fill the void left by not being truly understood and supported by those around you?

Does trying harder give you a convenient excuse for when mistakes happen, thereby making you feel more comfortable to wing it as long as you try hard enough?

It’s hard to let go of a story when it’s feeding you — even if the way that it’s feeding you is so subterranean and oblique, when the way that it’s harming you is so obvious and direct.

It’s also really easy to let our effort substitute for our results. Unfortunately, letting our effort substitute for our results tends to be unsustainable because we’re not leaving enough margin to determine if the way we’re working is working. It also doesn’t let us develop intelligent ways to ask for help and get support since the first thing we’ll do when we get some help is ratchet up the effort again.

All that excess effort and perfection-making means you care, after all.

Or does it?

Let’s pose the question this way: if you got the same benefit, would you prefer the people you care about to work twice as hard to get you those benefits as is necessary? Would you want people to wear themselves out for no more effective gain for you?

Or would you rather them approach their interactions with you in a grounded, energized, and open way instead of being stressed, tired, and scared that they might not be able to keep both ends of the candle lit?

Few people would be so inhumane and unreasonable with others, yet they are with themselves. Remember that the Mere Means Principle applies to how we treat ourselves as much to how we treat others.

A helping hand extended earlier is better than one withheld until perfection is achieved because perfection is never achieved. A solution that gets people started today is better than that potentially helps them finish but never gets shared. Seeing, hearing, and caring for people in a positive, generous, and fully-present way is better than half-seeing, half-hearing, and half-caring because you’ve stretched yourself too thin.

If your aim is to deliver results and benefits to people, focus on what gets them results and benefits — not how much effort it takes to get them. (Tweet this.)

Unless, of course, you want to make things harder than they need to be for you and those around you, by being overcome by your perfectionism.

Learn how to address the symptoms of perfectionism and make it work for your focus and goal achieving. #productiveflourishing #productivemindset #focus
Learn how the past guides our choices for our future. We have real constraints, opportunities, and experiences based on the past. Whatever happened, you are here. #productiveflourishing #mindset #entrepreneur

Previous Post: The Free Planners for August 2011 Are AvailablePrevious
Next Post: %$titleNext

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Archan Mehta says

    July 22, 2011 at 8:54 pm

    Charlie,

    Thank you for contributing this post–an excellent one, to be sure. As usual.

    Unfortunately, we have too many people in the world of business who strive for perfection. Many of them have neurotic tendencies: they may be “control freaks” or suffer from OCD.
    It is difficult to fess up, so they avoid being diagnosed by their local therapist.

    The fact is: it is impossible to be a perfectionist, because guess what? Nobody’s perfect. Even machines and robots break down and have to be repaired from time to time.
    The most we can do is strive for excellence. Perfectionism is a pipe-dream based on the creation of fictional characters by literary types blessed with fertile imaginations.

    It is also necessary to work smart, so forget about working hard. In our society, the gospel of working hard has been drummed into our heads since we were little children in nursery school. In many companies, working hard is also the norm, but it comes at a great personal cost. Later, it will come to haunt you and can result into professional losses as well.

    Don’t bite off more than you can chew. Keep your perspective. The key is balance.
    On your death bed, you won’t remember the long hours spent at your office serving clients. Instead, you will recount the fond memories: quality time spent with your near and dear ones; and that beautiful day that took your breath away, fly-fishing in Montana.

    What are your priorities? Go figure. Cheerio.

    Reply
  2. Steve Marquez says

    July 23, 2011 at 12:01 am

    Timely post Charlie – many thanks. I too, like many peopple, grapple with perfectionism. It can be so debilitating to view tasks and things and life as all or nothing i.e. either it has to be perfect or it’s not worth doing/having etc. What I find helpful, when perfectionism rears its ugly head, is to remember that life is all about ‘doing’ – and so I just do it anyway. And, that actually everything is perfect in it’s own way – there is perfection in imperfection – we learn from our mistakes, but in order to do so we must make mistakes!

    Steve

    Reply
  3. Steven says

    July 25, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    Thanks for this Charlie. It’s helped me realign my priorities between providing value vs. hard work. They are related, but certainly not a 1:1 correlation. As the saying goes, “don’t work hard, work smart.”

    Reply
  4. Sandra / Always Well Within says

    July 31, 2011 at 9:55 pm

    Charlie,

    This is a very interesting turnaround > looking at whether we would expect others to work to the crazy standards we might hold for ourselves. The roots of perfectionism run deep and I appreciate how you are addressing one aspect here. You have clearly unveiled that way that perfectionism is illogical. At the same time, I find loving and accepting ourselves despite the difficult tendencies another added feature to turning them around.

    Reply
  5. Danielle says

    August 8, 2011 at 10:33 am

    I’ve never been able to express or verbalize my perfectionist state of mind. I’m not sure why I felt that I even needed to, but it really helps when somebody else can put feelings and thoughts into words for you.

    Reply
  6. Nancy Hausauer says

    August 29, 2011 at 8:46 am

    Thanks for this brilliant re-framing.

    Reply
  7. Craig Morton says

    September 21, 2011 at 1:31 am

    I like this quote a lot “A helping hand extended earlier is better than one withheld until perfection is achieved because perfection is never achieved.”

    I like how you address the process as the problem and the focus of most people. Thanks

    Reply
  8. Kimberly11 says

    October 13, 2011 at 1:34 am

    I used to get teased at work because I would read an email over and over–sometimes three of four times, to make sure it didn’t have errors, before I pressed send. I have ADD and maybe dyslexia and am prone to spelling errors and other gaffes. So, I put in the extra effort to compensate for my condition. At any rate, I was paranoid that not being extra vigilant would result in too many errors that would eventually cost me my job. Eventually, I was so exhausted that I stopped error-checking my work over and over, and I tried to get “out of myself” by asking for input from co-workers. I did make more errors. I was told by higher ups that they needed someone that could show enthusiasm and attention to detail, and that didn’t need hand-holding (for asking for input) then I was asked to leave the company. Just thought I would add another perspective. In my experience, it is not as easy to let go of outcomes as it sounds.

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Found on the internet, 7/22 « Found on the internet says:
    July 22, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    […] How Is Your Perfectionism Feeding You?: “Are you grappling with perfectionism? Rather than addressing the symptoms of perfectionism, let’s talk about one of its roots. Take a second to think about the story you tell yourself about being a perfectionist and pouring excess effort into completing something.” […]

    Reply
  2. Three Foundational Pillars to Choosing a Great Business Idea - Solo Biz Coach says:
    August 1, 2011 at 5:10 am

    […] word of caution: When a lot of people start exploring business ideas, they get caught in perfectionism. You don’t need to start the perfect business right out of the gate. The goal here is to find […]

    Reply
  3. 18 reasons why you're not making headway (and 18 things you can do today to change it) - life literacy labs says:
    September 26, 2011 at 6:15 am

    […] And your obsession is preventing you from advancing. Why don’t you analyze the roots of your perfectionism and try to understand how it might be feeding you? […]

    Reply
  4. 19 Reasons Why You’re Not Making Headway (and 19 Things You Can Do Today to Change It) | Wake Up & Flourish says:
    November 9, 2011 at 5:47 am

    […] And your obsession is preventing you from advancing. Why don’t you analyze the roots of your perfectionism and try to understand how it might be feeding you? […]

    Reply
  5. 19 Reasons Why You’re Not Making Headway (And 19 Things You Can Do to Change It) says:
    April 5, 2012 at 6:22 am

    […] And your obsession is preventing you from advancing. Why don’t you analyze the roots of your perfectionism and try to understand how it might be feeding you? […]

    Reply
  6. 19 Reasons Why You're Not Making Headway (And 19 Ways To Change It) – Peaceful Triumphs says:
    October 20, 2014 at 4:08 pm

    […] And your obsession is preventing you from advancing. Why don’t you analyze the roots of your perfectionism and try to understand how it might be feeding you? […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Are you a visionary, designer, or creator?

Discover Your Productivity Persona!

Take the free Momentum Quiz

On the Blog

Reeling, Organizing, and Marching are All Distinct Projects

Read More →

World Productivity Day 2022

Read More →

Before the Crisis, There Was Abundance

Read More →

How Much Is Indecision Costing You?

Read More →

Footer

  • Podcast
  • Momentum app
  • Books
  • New Here
  • Contact
  • Press
  • Site Terms

Follow or contact us with the links below:

  • LinkedIn
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Copyright © 2022 Productive Flourishing.  All Rights Reserved.

21 shares