Editor’s Note: This is a guest post by Ali Luke.
For the whole summer, I was operating in urgency mode. Cleaning out our flat and moving house, a trip to India, finishing a 20,000 word portfolio for my MA, our church’s kids’ Holiday Club, getting married … one thing followed the next without much space to stop and breathe.
It was intensely stressful at times, but there was also something somehow reassuring. I could focus on the most urgent things, knowing that they needed to be done. I didn’t have any tricky choices to make.
Then, everything was over. I handed in my MA portfolio at the end of the Holiday Club week. I wrote a booklet about the charity we’d been visiting in India. I got married a couple of weeks later. We went off on honeymoon, and had a wonderful time. I finished my novel. I went to Vegas.
Then it was mid-October, and suddenly, I had space in my life.
It felt weird. And uncomfortable.
Maybe you’ve had similar experiences, when all your focus was on the next demand – from family, or at work, or from a bunch of different commitments piling up. There’s a certain liberation when being productive just means getting the next thing ticked off, and the next, and the next, without needing – or wanting – to stop and think.
Readjusting to Space
After BlogWorld in Vegas, I returned home with a bunch of new thoughts and ideas (some of which I wrote about here) and with renewed enthusiasm.
I’ve been deliberately taking time to think and plan: I have a number of bigger projects I want to tackle over the next six months, now that I’ve finished my MA and have more time to spend on my biz. But I’m keen not to overdo it – I don’t want to end up packing my life full again just because I’m uncomfortable with having free time.
I’ve also been getting back into activities that got shunted aside. Watching TV shows with my husband. Exercising regularly. Baking. Travelling to Cambridge and to London to see friends. I’ve even signed up for a fencing “taster” session.
Maybe you’re in a similar place right now: with extra time that you’re not sure how best to use. (Perhaps you’ve just finished NaNo, or said goodbye to Thanksgiving guests.) Maybe you’re tempted to throw yourself headfirst into the next big task on the list – now I really must clean out the garage or I need to get more clients.
Is that really the way forward?
December is my favourite month of the year. Not just because it’s my birthday (December 12th; chocolate welcome ;-)) but because it’s a time of quiet hopefulness, a chance to think about your gifts, to look back at what’s been good and at what’s yet to come.
You might use Charlie’s planners to think about what you’re building on, and where you’re going next. You might use a notebook. You could even use the comments section below and share some of your thoughts and hopes with us. However you do it, give yourself the time and the space to think.
Charlie,
I’ve been writing about this very thing almost non-stop on my personal blog since I graduated from medical school. I noticed that I WAS filling up all available space (it’s my pattern, too) and sort of willing myself from high energy finish to high energy finish. Now that our clinic is established, and my teaching is rolling along, and the blog redesign/repurposing is actually MOVING… I DO feel strange, just like you talk about.
For me, yoga and Qigong have been tremendously helpful in letting me sit in that great open space. The more I sit, the more I realize, this open space (and filling it, when desired, with family and friends and meditation and long walks) really IS the stuff of life. It’s beautiful. Like this clear Portland day we’re enjoying.
So, I totally hear you and was really heartened to notice that someone’s having a similar experience! Thanks!
Eric
Thanks, Eric – glad to demonstrated that others are going through the same thing! 🙂 Great to hear you’re finding some specific ways to get through it … I’ve been spending more quiet time, too.
Ali and Charlie,
Thanks for another great post. I notice this kind of ebb and flow of super-busy and not-so-busy in my life, and see it in my customers all the time as well.
We never evolved to live with one nonstop stressed-out existence. We thrive when there are busy times and down times. I think of the time you’re describing as being in “the meadow” — after a busy and sometimes hard slog through lots of writing, getting married, etc., you’ve made it to a pleasant meadow. What a great time to sit back and relax! Explore what’s there. Have a picnic. Look to see what paths lead out from the meadow to whatever might be next for you.
I find that when I’m consciously “in the meadow” I’m able to relax. It puts that period of my life in the context of a longer journey. And, when I feel like I’ve been in the meadow long enough, I may start going on little scouting expeditions (if I’m not sure what I want to do next) or simply pack up my gear and set off on the next leg of the journey (if I’m clear about what that is).
I think of time as a journey or an adventure–that’s my natural relationship to it. People think of it in very different ways. When people discover their metaphorical relationship to time, they also begin to discover how they can live more naturally and easily.
Barak
Cheers, Barak. I love your metaphor of the meadow; what a great way to look at it! Like you, I think in terms of journeys and adventures (there’s a reason I called my blog “Aliventures” ;-)) and I guess I just need to add in the idea of an occasional resting point before finding a new direction!
Great – might as well enjoy wherever you are!
Beautiful, Ali! Where to start – first off, congrats on the wedding, how exciting that you went to India (I’m Indian) and we share the same birthday!!
Oh and of course, the same sense of urgency all year along and the deliberate breathing space I’m creating in December.
In this, I have help from #reverb10 and while on the face of it, it feels like that’s yet another extra, being on the interactive team & highly involved with it, on the other hand it’s “all” I’m doing for December.
Permission to just reflect, play and let intuition guide me instead of scheming, planning or trying to ‘fix’ things. Permission to get out of my head for one month out of 12, and check in with my heart. Phew, what a relief!
🙂
Well, happy early birthday! 😀 I’ve seen some great stuff about #reverb10, so hope that goes awesomely for you and everyone involved.
We’re hoping to go back to India in 2012 (and probably take the train around a bit this time). 🙂
Thanks to Charlie for asking you to guest post again. It is always a good feeling to read about your thoughts, Ali.
Yup, sounds like you have been busy of late. I broke into a cold sweat just reading about your activities. Phew!
In my case, to-do lists help because I have to stay organised on account of being a little absent-minded and footloose.
Such lists help you to accomplish your goals or objectives. However, you reach a point where you feel like your to-do list becomes your long-lost lover, and she keeps whispering your name, repeatedly.
That’s not such a good feeling, because you end up feeling like a machine rather than a human being.
So, it is important to feel comfortable with free time. The down-time helps me to reacharge the old batteries. Like you, I also want to spend more time alone rather than be whisked away to the latest party. Or gala event. No, thanks.
I am no longer the social butterfly I used to be. I want to keep my calendar free for other life priorities like being alone.
Sometimes, it is okay not to do anything, sit still, observe your breath, and contemplate the universe.
It is a process of cleansing. The zen masters refer to it as “the mind of no mind.” I find a sense of bliss there.
Cheers to your fabulous life, English gal.
Thanks, Archan! I definitely find that lists give me peace of mind (I’m less likely to forget things) and I’ve even been known to jot down ideas or sudden thoughts during the night…
Having sufficient alone time is important to me; hardly a problem as a writer (I spend most of my day shut in my study!) but I do notice at conferences etc that I sometimes need to get away from all the action and just let my mind calm down!
Great article as always! Well put. I think I am veering too far into urgency mode and need to pull back a bit. Thanks. 🙂
Oops, also meant to add, congratulations on the wedding 🙂
Thanks! And good luck pulling back from your own urgency state.
Hi Ali and Charlie!
Great article, Ali! I’m certainly in more of an urgency mode right now, with lots of things going on. But I’m also fitting in that time to think, so that it won’t be completely foreign when the urgency mode slows down… 😉
Congratulations on your wedding – and happy early birthday! 🙂
Thanks Jess! Hope your life calms down soon … and glad to hear you’re still making some space within the busyness. 🙂
I get very “antsy” when I don’t have a lot going on, but once every few weeks, I “crash” and just need to mellow for a day….
I’m late from “follow Friday 40 and over”…
Have a great week!
I definitely get antsy too – I have to make myself stop and rest so that I don’t crash. I find it helps to have some leisure-time things which I *love* to do … programs on TV which I really enjoy, exercising on the cross-trainer, etc. It has to be engaging enough to get me away from “hey, maybe I should be working”.
LOL- sorry- just went blog hopping for an hour or two and my mind forgot that I shifted gears!
See, too much going on…. 🙂
No worries!
You know Ali, you really are everywhere 🙂 I had some long flights from Seattle home and not only did I read this post, I also listened to your entire interview with Sid (Savara, of course) and just enjoyed so much learning from you (the writing tips were GREAT)! and reading your words. Congrats on the wedding and you know, I saw you in Vegas but didn’t get a chance to introduce myself and say hello. Maybe next year. Til then, I’ll keep reading you and listening!
Hehe! I had a long bus trip last week and I listened to Srini’s interview with you! 😀 You’ve inspired me to get a new camera and start taking photos … I’ve even bought a photography ebook. 🙂
Sorry we didn’t get to connect in Vegas! Maybe SXSW? Or next year. 🙂
(Also, didn’t know before hearing the interview that English is your *third* language … wow! You put native speakers to shame!)
Ali, that’s WONDERFUL! I can’t wait to see the photos. Your profile photos look professional on your site by the way. Yes Vegas, or wherever Blogworld 2011 takes us but not going to SWSW (Is that South by SouthWest, a music/film interactive conference?) And on the English side, believe me, ANYONE would pick up languages if they are exposed to it long enough….Anyway, so happy to connect here with you and have a dialogue. We should continue….
Yeah, the photos were done by someone professional… 😉 (http://www.antoninaphotography.co.uk/)
SXSW is indeed South by South West – I’m just going to the “interactive” bit, not the music or film – they’re separate events (well, film and interactive run co-currently, but you can buy a ticket for just one).
What do we do with that space? Many people look around and get lost. Others look around, fearful and uncertain what comes next. Personally, it can be intimidating. But I’ve learned to appreciate the things that came past while the space lands on my lap. At the same time, it takes strength and will to start a different thing or a related pursuit. If the space gets extended, it vacuums me into the non-essentials. LOL!
Charlie, thanks for having Ali. Tho’ am amazed you ever got hold of her. Isn’t she always on the go and spreading light and love? *wink* Miss Luke, another amazing wisdom.
Thanks Arina! (And thanks Charlie too, for inviting me to guest post on PF quite a few months back now … it’s been really nice to be a regular here. :-))
I agree that space can be intimidating. It’s hard to realise face decisions – what should I do? what’s the best use of my time? what do I WANT? – but I guess that’s how we grow…