Welcome to our second Core Conversation. This Core Conversation is all about Women’s Empowerment. Extraordinary Women Change the World!
All my life I’ve gone back and forth between jumping all in and tiptoeing around any given thing. At this time in my life I’ve decided that it’s time for me to be all in. All in, in a big way. Timidity doesn’t really suit me.
Charlie presented “Go Big or Go Home…or Go Deep,” in San Francisco a couple of years ago. In this spirit, we’re going to go big and go deep during this series. You’re going to be hearing from many amazing women and men. I am honored to start this series.
I believe empowerment is something that comes from within, and it is strongly influenced by many sociological factors. Empowerment must come from within; you will only be empowered if you believe you are. (Click to tweet – thanks!)
And it is important to recognize that there are many ways that each and every one of us can facilitate and support the empowerment of others. None of us can ignore our environment and the impact outside factors have on our lives and development. They don’t have to define us though.
Just Another Southern Girl
I grew up in the South; in fact, Charlie and I grew up in the same town. As a girl and young woman growing up in this environment I didn’t see many examples of empowered women. At least, not that I recognized at the time.
There were many examples of sexism, classism, racism, heterosexism, religious discrimination, and many other “isms” surrounding me on a daily basis. This was reality for me, and to be honest I always felt pretty uncomfortable with this.
What I do remember about women that were “different” is the label Bitch. I know now that there were empowered women around me. Unfortunately, that empowerment was seen as an affront to the “natural” order of things.
I was fortunate that I had family that wanted better things for me; I was pushed early on to be successful. This is another aspect of empowerment that I’ll come back to. The ramifications for this push may have been just as deleterious, as I was going to learn in my 30s.
The Price of a PhD
Now that I think back on this many years later I realize that the first big instance of me stepping out from what I was “supposed to be” and into what felt right for me was when I changed my major from Pre-Med to Sociology.
Looking at that journey now it’s not surprising at all that Sociology had so much appeal to me. In fact, I’m not sure that I’ve ever met a Sociologist that felt like they fit. What a shock, huh?
I had finally set my own course. At least that’s what I thought at the time. I chose the subject area; however, I still “needed” to be the best in this subject. I “had” to get my PhD. I “had” to have a great academic appointment. I “had” to get the best grant monies and publications. And, the list goes on.
I certainly don’t regret spending so much time in academia and completing my PhD. I’m just coming to terms with this a few years out of academia. What I did is something I should be proud of, and it is something that will help me throughout my life. I use Sociology every day; I have to in the work I do here at PF. I work within the community and with our clients. I love that. That makes me happy. That makes me feel empowered.
The Beginning of an End
Thirty-one years of doing what I thought I should do and being who I thought I should be led to nearly deadly results. This is why empowerment is such an important topic to me. Charlie wrote about the journey that I was on last year and what we went through together as a couple, and each of us independently. I don’t want to repeat everything that Charlie shared before, but I will touch on some of the more important points, so that you are able to follow this lead up to empowerment for me.
Having spent most of my life doing what I thought I should do and doing what others expected of me led to a near death experience last July, and thus the beginnings of a long road to recovery that I am still on today.
While still in academia, and knowing that it was past time for me to get out, I developed my second autoimmune disease. I had already struggled with debilitating endometriosis through my teens and twenties. I had surgery for this when I was only 22 years old; with doctors removing lots of scarring and cysts and inducing menopause. It was very overwhelming going though that at such a young age.
As I was ending my PhD program I noticed that I was starting to feel pretty miserable physically in many different ways. Just months after completing my PhD, and starting in my first faculty position, I learned that I had developed ulcerative colitis. There’s a lot that is not known about many autoimmune diseases, but what my doctor and I both knew was that stress was not going to help me get well. “Type A” Angela had been on perfection overdrive for far too long. My body was letting me know it was time to shift gears.
I decided a few months later that my first year in a faculty position was going to be my last. I knew it was the right thing to do, and I was also so disappointed in myself and my body. In reality, my body did me a favor. What I did was finally listen. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, despite that it hurt so much.
The Downward Spiral
Fast forward about a year, with many other family and personal tragedies happening. This is where things really started to unravel. I lost two grandparents in a short time, took on much of the “blame” for what happened, tried to help everyone else get through it, and to be completely honest, did a dreadful job of taking care of myself.
Despite my well thought-through reasoning for leaving academia I still was not taking care of myself. Old habits are indeed hard to break.
Fast forward another few months and I start on experimental medication for my autoimmune disease. All known treatments had not worked for me; it seemed that my case was severe and progressed rapidly. All tests indicated that my body was handling the medication quite well.
My doctor gave me the all clear to go on vacation. While in the middle of nowhere in Alaska I had an almost deadly reaction to the experimental medication I was on. Charlie was able to get medical treatment for me in time and I did make it. I haven’t been the same since.
We went about life as normal not even a few weeks after this happened. I knew it would take a few months to recover physically. What this trained sociologist of mental health didn’t pay attention to though was that my mental health and spirit had suffered just as much, if not more, than my physical health. I had been saying for over a year that I should get in to see a counselor; that with all the change in my life I needed help processing and working through all the change. I didn’t do it though.
In September 2011 life as Charlie and I knew it came to a horrible, scary halt. I was suffering from PTSD, severe anxiety, and depression. It hit so hard and so strong that I could not function. I was unable to make any decisions. I was scared all the time. I wouldn’t talk to anyone; I couldn’t, the words just didn’t want to come out. Honestly, I felt that there was no use to talk anymore. That’s where it got very scary for me…suicidal thoughts took over my mind. I know me, the real me; this was not me. I am trained in mental health. I knew what was happening to me, and there was nothing I could do about it.
I can’t do justice to what four months feels like when you just want all the pain to end; when you know life will never be the same; when you feel that this may be your last year.
A New Beginning
In some ways I’ve been a shell of myself since. I’m leaving that shell behind though. Shedding the old; embracing the new.
I was fortunate to get in to see a psychologist that has been a huge part of my recovery. There was so much to work through, and the time to work through it couldn’t happen until I was actually stable enough to know what needed to be seen, what needed to be heard, and what I could no longer ignore.
After about four months I was finally starting to see positive improvement. The suicidal thoughts were very rare by that point, I was starting to engage with Charlie and family and a few friends, and I thought that there might actually be a future for me.
It was at this point that I was strong enough to slowly, very slowly, start working with Michelle (my psychologist) on the deeper issues that had led to my “re-set.”. Not surprisingly, now that you know a little about my background, I had lots of re-working of assumptions, changes in the stories I was telling myself, and redefining of relationships that were important to me.
Another way of saying this is “sister, I’ve got baggage” and I feel able to work through that now. I feel empowered. That power comes from within me. And, it is important that those who are close to me know that that empowerment will be around from now on. I’m not giving up my voice again.
I can’t be the person I want to be in this world without my voice. I have lots to say. I have lots to share. I have lots of empowerment I want to share with others.
Embracing Being Perfectly Imperfect
There is still much self work ahead for me. I am OK with that. Finally, for the first time in my life, I embrace that I am not perfect, I will never be perfect, and that I am “perfect” just the way I am. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to keep working towards a better me. That’s exactly what I am going to do!
I believe that each and every one of us is on a journey throughout our lives to be a “better and happier” version of ourselves. Embracing and loving who you are right now is the only way to get to that better you. We’re all on that journey together.
A message that I would like to shout out loud (yes, I’m an Amos Lee fan) to those who are dear to me and those of you I hope I can cultivate a dear relationship with: I’d like to be there to give a hand, lend an ear, help lift you up when you need it. I hope that you can do that for me, as well.
I am a woman; therefore, women’s empowerment is dear to me. I am a Sociologist, even if I am no longer in academia. I specialized in mental health, family, and gender while in my graduate program. My research focused on women’s and children’s mental health. I will always have an interest in women’s empowerment. I’m declaring now that I will also take action to empower myself and be a source of support in the empowerment of other women.
We Grow Stronger Together
I thought it was time I widened this circle and brought in voices and perspectives from many amazing women and men. That’s what this core conversation is all about. We have an amazing lineup of women and men that will be joining the conversation with us.
I hope that you feel empowered to join in this conversation with us here and with your communities. We would love to hear your perspective; hear about your journey with and to empowerment; be there with you through the wins and losses associated with this life long journey.
Thanks for joining in the conversation. Please bring your community here to join in this conversation with us or take the conversation to your community in your own way. Conversation is wonderful and we want positive growth and change for all. Here’s to the empowered in each and every one of us!
I’d like to leave you with two questions today:
- Do you feel empowered? Why or why not? How can you feel even more empowered in your life?
- What can you do to help empower women in your life?
Go do something to empower yourself or another woman today. Then let us know about it. We want to celebrate with you.
@JoVanEvery @angelawheeler thanks so much for posting this link!
@druchunas @JoVanEvery Thanks for sharing. We’re excited to get this series going. Don’t you just love the graphic by @lisawood ? I sure do.
will be great! RT @AngelaWheeler Join in on our Core Conversation on Women’s Empowerment. It starts today! http://t.co/oslrxp18 #PFCC2
Thanks for sharing this brave and powerful post. I look forward to being part of the conversation. I love the empowered woman graphic!
@ShannVanderLeek Thank you! Looking forward to having you as part of this conversation. I’m kind of in love with the graphic myself. The amazing Lisa Wood made it for us.
I am so very proud of you …the conversation you just started is essential for every woman. I thank you for kicking us off!
@desireeadaway Thank you. I can’t tell you how much that means to me. You’re one of my empowered woman role models.
@desireeadaway Thank you. I can’t tell you how much that means to me. You’re one of my empowered woman role models.
@MktgRevolution Thank you so much for sharing this and your kind words.
@AngelaWheeler My pleasure. You did the brave sharing — the truly-meaningful-would-scare-me-to-death sharing. My bit was easy.
@PaceSmith @Kyeli Thank you for sharing. So glad you will be part of this great Conversation!
@KStaib Thanks for sharing, Karl. So glad to see you here. 🙂 @charliegilkey
@goodwillstacy Thank you, Stacy! So glad you will be joining us! @charliegilkey #empower #PFCC2
Thank you for so powerfully sharing your journey, Angela! So glad you made it through and are now here sharing your strong, wise voice with us. Can’t wait to hear what you have to say next. And what a fitting way to lead off this hugely important conversation!
@Barbara Stafford Thank you, Barbara. So blessed to have you in my corner.
Yes. I feel empowered. Empowerment comes from within.
I don’t feel that I can empower women, but I feel like I can take off some chains, like the chains of guilt and shame and criticism gone amuck!
Angela- I am so happy that you are doing this! You are brilliant!
@intuitivebridge Awww, Bridget, thank you so very much. I’m honored and happy to have you in the conversation. “Helping break the chains of guilt, shame, and criticism” <—- I’m right there with you, sister!
@pamslim Awww, Sis, thank you so much! Love you too! And, you are one of my empowered woman role models. 🙂 You and @desireeadaway . #PFCC2
I adore you for sharing this. It’s so important to talk about our mental health journeys. You are empowered.
@jenlouden Thank you so much, Dearie. I’m so thrilled to have you here in the conversation. There are always some “juicy tidbits” that come from you, especially on a topic like this.
Thank you for sharing your story Angela. I’ve experienced many of my own versions of the paths you’ve taken, and I know how incredibly hard and scary it can be to share, <i>especially</i> when the ‘old you’ was so bound up in needing to be perfect (or at least <i>seen</i> as perfect). I think a huge part of empowering others <i>is</i> sharing these stories; showing other women that you can be strong, and powerful, <i>and “flawed”!</i> We try to be perfect because we see the people around us playing the ‘perfect’ game, and we think it’s what we’re supposed to do as well… but it’s all false, there is no such thing as perfect! Other than, of course, to be perfectly one’s self, complete in your imperfection :DAs for myself, I have my empowered moments, and I have my moments when I forget just how fabulous I am. I think the best thing I can do to help encourage other women embrace their own sense of being empowered is to continue my efforts to remember my strength, my beauty, my perfect imperfection, thereby modeling what I wish other women could remember about themselves.
Thank you for sharing your story Angela. I’ve experienced many of my own versions of the paths you’ve taken, and I know how incredibly hard and scary it can be to share, *especially* when the ‘old you’ was so bound up in needing to be perfect (or at least *seen* as perfect).
I think a huge part of empowering others <i>is</i> sharing these stories; showing other women that you can be strong, and powerful, *and “flawed”!* We try to be perfect because we see the people around us playing the ‘perfect’ game, and we think it’s what we’re supposed to do as well… but it’s all false, there is no such thing as perfect! Other than, of course, to be perfectly one’s self, complete in your imperfection 😀
As for myself, I have my empowered moments, and I have my moments when I forget just how fabulous I am. I think the best thing I can do to help encourage other women embrace their own sense of being empowered is to continue my efforts to remember my strength, my beauty, my perfect imperfection, thereby modeling what I wish other women could remember about themselves.
@heididobbs Oh, Heidi, I always love hearing from you. Thank you for sharing that about yourself here. Know from one sister to another that you ARE empowered. You are amazing.
“I think the best thing I can do to help encourage other women embrace their own sense of being empowered is to continue my efforts to remember my strength, my beauty, my perfect imperfection, thereby modeling what I wish other women could remember about themselves.” <—- Beautifully said!
Thank you for sharing your journey Angela… it is only now in my mid-thirties that I am learning the ‘power’ of being empowered!
I have been on a great journey this past year, learning that everything I want to be – personally and professionally is within my power and my power alone.. i’ve learnt to listen to my body and spirit, its a fun and fascinating journey to be on. Of course I still fall, but hey nobody’s perfect 🙂 and that’s ok!
I really enjoy this website and find it helps me to clear a path through an increasingly hectic lifestyle… i’m not there yet but definately on my way.
Thank you for sharing this. We’re all on a path to be the best “me.” I applaud you for continuing to pick yourself back up and get out there in the world!
We appreciate your kind words about the site and I am so glad that it is a resource for you.
Angela – I am so glad you have begun this conversation here at PF. Thank you for your vulnerability and transparency. Your voice is strong and sure and powerful…I can feel it. I’m looking forward to reading all the different voices as they join the conversation. With much love, Julie
Thank you so very much, Julie. I’m super excited to hear from all the amazing women and men that are going to be part of this conversation. Love to have your support.
A must read! @AngelaWheeler’s post to start the Extraordinary Women (and Men) series: http://t.co/oslrxp18 #empower #PFCC2
@thoughtsofjoy Thank you for sharing, Joy. So thrilled to have your support.
@BarbaraStafford Thank you for your kind words and for sharing the start of this series. Love having you in my corner! #empower #PFCC2
@HeidiDobbs You bring so much light into our lives with your love and support. Thank you for that! @charliegilkey
Angela–what a beautiful post, and thank you for starting the conversation!
I am passionate about empowering women, and helping them/us/me be our best, strongest, most resonant selves. I see such value in what women bring to the table in any environment, yet so often, for various reasons, we don’t step into our full power.
And I, for one, am guilty of that, too. Empowerment for me is a bit of a moving target–sometimes I feel completely empowered, and other times I shy away from it and choose something else. I’ll be curious to hear how others experience themselves and their relationship to their own power. Again, great topic, and I’m looking forward to participating in the conversation!
@Kristy Swanson Hi, Kristy. Thank you for sharing this with us here. I’m also looking forward to hearing how other women and men experience their own empowerment. And, I’m so glad to have you here conversing with us. Welcome!
“Empowerment for me is a bit of a moving target–sometimes I feel completely empowered, and other times I shy away from it and choose something else.” <—— Absolutely! I love that visualization. I’ve noticed that there are times where I feel really insecure about how empowered I actually am. I know, it’s a strange disjunct. Sitting in my power and not letting the mind games take over is key.
@murphyjillk Oh, Jill, you are such a great support! Thank you. Us superwomen have to stick together. #empower #PFCC2
Hi Angela- your words were hard to read, yet absolutely beautiful. Hard because I’m close with someone who has gone through similar experiences.
As being the new father of a 9 month old baby girl, one of my greatest desires is for her to feel empowered and be the person she was meant to be. Thank you for your bravery in sharing your story, it’s like a stained glass window. The scars in the glass create a picture to allow the light to illuminate through.
(Also, much respect to Charlie for showing us newly married guys how to husband up and care for our wives.)
@Jermaine Lane Jermaine, you always know what to say. Just hearing from you makes my day a little brighter.
“Thank you for your bravery in sharing your story, it’s like a stained glass window. The scars in the glass create a picture to allow the light to illuminate through.” <——— What a beautiful metaphor for the bumps, scrapes, and scars we accumulate throughout our lives and the beauty and strength that can come from there.
Charlie has been the most amazing rock for me during this time; he always is. You know we’re both here for you. Love having you in the family.
Feeling inspired to write about my recent experience with anxiety. Sharing my stories and witnessing others’ makes me feel empowered!
I’m so glad that you are feeling empowered. I love to hear that! Anxiety can really bring us down and I’m glad to say that I now know there’s a path out of that.
@NailahBlades Thank you! I’m excited to see your post tomorrow. I LOVE IT and I know others will, as well. #empower #PFCC2
@LarahRitchie Thank you, Larah! Love having you in my corner! Love and hugs.
Your post has been on my mind, and it’s a great one. One thing it says to me is that feeling and being empowered is not about being perfect or having the right answers — it’s about being brave enough to keep trying when we *don’t* have the right answers, when we feel flawed and broken, when we’re uncertain. It’s about being willing to fail, and stepping out into the light as often and as honestly as possible. It’s about knowing ourselves better and better every day, and doing what we can to help the people around us do the same.Thank you for writing this. Your voice is essential to Productive Flourishing, and I’m so glad you’re speaking up.
@worldmegan Amen, sister… “feeling and being empowered is not about being perfect or having the right answers — it’s about being brave enough to keep trying when we *don’t* have the right answers, when we feel flawed and broken, when we’re uncertain.”
What a courageous post, Angela. Thank you for sharing your story. I am feeling more empowered every day, as I learn to trust myself and what I know to be the truth. Hopefully other women are empowered by my belief in them, and my work as their Nutritionist.
Looking forward to the rest of this series!
Denise, thank you for sharing this with us. I’m so glad to have you here with us. Working as a Nutritionist must be so rewarding…you are really important to lives of all those you work with, helping them believe in themselves is beautiful.
@SheBrandLiz Thanks for the love and support!
@AngelaWheeler anything for you! Loved your #pfcc piece! 🙂
Angela,
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much for sharing these powerful words. Jermaine just passed your article along to me this evening, encouraging me to read it (I’ve been sick/out of the social loop the past few weeks). Your bravery gave me goose-bumps as I read over your experiences, which are eerily similar to my own (a Type-A woman in the mental health field who has also suffered with years of debilitating endometriosis, anxiety, PTSD, suicidal thoughts, and most recently as of this past week – after slowly becoming sicker & sicker over the past few years – battling what I’ve learned seems to be an autoimmune disorder – Celiac disease). Jermaine has encouraged me to share my story publicly for over a year, in order to better help others suffering with anxiety, sexual assault, PTSD, etc as a way for them to better relate/trust/connect with me their counselor (I do therapy here in VA, but am now working on plans to start a Cybertherapy practice – ie counseling online via Skype). Reading this has only confirmed he’s onto something 😉
Our stories of pain and struggle really can give others so much Hope – which I’ve now experienced personally since reading this has already made such an impact on me. And you’ve had a part in encouraging me to “brave up” and share, too! So again, thank you. I hope to someday meet you in person & give you a big hug (I have only the upmost respect for you and the peeps he’s met from Lift Off; what an In-credible group of people!!).
And I would love to be a part of this continued conversation of extraordinary women! Count me in!
@StephanieRLane Hi Stephanie. I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you on here with us for this conversation. I heard so many amazing things about you from Jermaine.
You are so brave and strong to share this. Thank you for doing so. I truly believe that we can grow with each other by feeling safe to talk about the struggles and heartbreak. I am honored that this feels like a safe place for you to do that.
I was not prepared to talk about this in the open just a few months ago. It took me time to become comfortable with where I was at in my own journey and that I was ready to be part of the “safe space” for this important topic. I encourage you to continue to listen to your inner voice about when and how you feel compelled to share your story and strength. And, I am honored to be there with you.
Thanks for the great post. Your openness is truly inspiring and empowering! I’m on the seesaw of empowerment. It took a long time for me to get my corporate empowerment legs that allows me to express myself regardless of who is in the room. On the biz side I can be feel in such deep discovery that my empowerment comes and goes (that whole stage 1 thing). It can take a lot of self talk / affirmations and Jay-Z songs to get me going :).
Post like this give permission to others to be who they are and be bold and beautiful from where they stand. In my own lingo, you allow folks to “Run the Point (take action) from where they are, with what they have.”
~Ambassador Bruny
@ambassadorbruny Thank you for your love and support. “Run the Point (take action) from where they are, with what they have.” <—– So beautifully said, Mike. I am always awed by the great lyrics and affirmations that flow through you.
Stage 1 is tricky and scary and exciting and awful and wonderful……and much more. Keep doing what you do and you’ll be hitting new stages, with new highs and lows (many more highs though).
@megworden Amen!!! Thanks, so much for the love, Meg. It means a lot.
To all of you who have shared with us on here or shared this idea of empowerment with others in your own way or just took the time to read my words…..”Thank You, from the bottom of my heart!”
Your support and generosity here has really been empowering and affirming. I was a bit nervous my first time out the gate, and ya’ll made things so comfortable for me. Thank you for being on that journey with me and witnessing that.
I hope you’ll feel welcome, invited, seen, and heard to keep the conversation going with us here. We’re going to keep adding great material to our Women’s Empowerment series through June.
Thank you Angela for your bravery. It’s not often that you get to hear someone’s story, warts and all. It’s empowering, its inspiring and freeing. I’ve been working on my own struggle to get out from under years of depression, anxiety and fear. I really believe that this is my year to take back who I used to be and who I want to be. Thank you for sharing your story, I look forward to reading more posts.
@Ambolino Thank you for commenting and sharing your struggle. The warts and not-so-pretty places are where we can really bloom. I’m rooting for you….this year WILL be your year.
Hey girl. Finally getting a chance to sit down and starting reading your Empowerment series. Lots of thoughts. As I’m sure would be no surprise to you, I identify with a whole lot of what you said, especially about growing up with all the “ism’s.” I don’t know how you grow up in a small town and feel empowered as a woman. Everything boils down to be a certain way, live a certain way and toe the line of the expected norm. Last year I didn’t get a raise at work and was essentially put on probation because I didn’t kiss enough ass. I work for white bread, white collar, white dudes who expect women to work in admin and to act like the underlings they are. I wasn’t a cheery, airheaded ass-kisser who bowed and scraped and I got punished for it. Apparently they didn’t get the empowered women memo.
Looking forward to reading more! You’re awesome and I admire the hell out of you sharing your story and using the platform you have to talk about this interesting, important topic.
Sorry this is Amanda K. from back home! Figured I better not connect my facebook to a comment where I badmouth my job lol. An empowered woman keeps her job so she can pay her mortgage.
@JennyBBones Thanks for sharing, Jenny.
@AngelaWheeler My fav line of the day? “I’m not sure that I’ve ever met a Sociologist that felt like they fit. What a shock, huh?” Thank YOU
@JennyBBones It’s so very true. We’re a bunch of misfits. 🙂
I found the article to be very uplifting and encouraging. I know that it must have taken a lot out of you to go from where you were in life to having to start all over. It seems that through it all you were able to realize your “true calling” and help people. I am proud of your accomplishments and I wish you continued success in all of your endeavors! eTERNAL PEACE AND BLESSINGS