A seed planted in the dark soil of the earth.
What will emerge?
Feeling swallowed by the dark.
Light has abandoned me.
This dark soil of pain
Surrounds me and lets in no light.
Perhaps light is no more?
The weight is heavy.
The feelings seep into every cell of my being
And I become nothing more than pain.
I am pain and pain is me.
A second skin.
Slipped on like the snuggest of gloves.
Light is gone.
In the mirror a dull reflection.
Pain etched in every line and crease.
I once thought pain was fleeting.
A come and go feeling.
A visitor, not a resident.
I never wanted the visitor.
What I would give now for that visitor
Instead of this damn squatter.
What I would give now
For this not to be me.
Day in and day out.
Another day lived in this second skin.
Moving through the routines.
From somewhere a tiny pinprick of light.
Did I imagine that?
A tingle somewhere deep inside.
Easy to miss.
Yes, just my imagination.
If I’m completely honest
This tiny speck is something like hope.
I have chosen not to acknowledge it.
It’s too painful to hope.
It takes the dull pain up a level and I don’t want that sharpness.
This time like a tiny flutter in my chest.
A bit harder to ignore.
The tiny flutter becoming closer to a steady rhythm.
It is different from the pain I have become.
It is uncomfortable. I don’t like it.
Who is there?
What is there?
Please, I don’t want to feel a sharper pain.
Whose voice is that I hear? Saying
Child, will you trust?
Unclench your fists.
When has something beautiful not come after the deepest of darks?
A new perspective.
A lesson you needed to heal.
So much more than the pain you thought would never end.
A gift more beautiful than any you have ever received.
Just as seeds emerge from the soil as something new
So too do we.
We grow toward the light even when surrounded by darkness.
Seeds of sorrow in the dark soil of your pain.
You do not see the light
But it has not abandoned you.
So often blessings are seeded in the dark.
Not felt as hope at the time.
But when has beauty not emerged?
From that dark stunning beauty emerges.
Trust this will not be the exception.
Know you will behold beauty arising from the dark.
That beauty is you.
A beautiful flower more resilient than ever before.
Because of the light and the dark.